


Hurt

by LMillay



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 29,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26678392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMillay/pseuds/LMillay
Summary: You were a therapist for Stark Enterprises. You listened to each Avenger's story, heard the horrid tales of battle and became the secret keeper for many of them. The only one you could never break was Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier. While he wasn't an Avenger, he was a special case and you had a strange affection for him. Your father had been a military man and you had seen the wear of war on him before, Bucky emulated those very traits. You were convinced you would get through to him and were determined to never let him down.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

He shifted in his seat, a mangle of black hair and anger. You sat still, watching him quietly, and understanding the anxiety he was feeling at that moment. Every time he sat in your office you knew the anxiety overwhelmed him and he would give it off with little ticks, tapping fingers on the couch, not letting his eyes meet yours. You never pushed him too far, you had seen that happen to your father on many occasions and you didn't want to bring that up in him.

"Well your recent battle, tell me what happened there," you offered, and his eyes glanced up at you, shifting away quickly.

"We fought the enemy," he said gruffly, and you nodded.

"But how did that make you feel? You saw a lot I am sure, what did you take from all of it?" you questioned, and he shrugged.

"Battle sucks," he replied, and you nodded quietly. This was the hour, this was the entire hour every time, you asking questions and him diverting them as quickly as you could throw them out. This is how it had been for three years, three entire years of one-hour sessions once a week and he had tried to get out of them so many times, but Fury refused. He told him if he didn't want to go back from where he came then he would go to these sessions and do the work. Whenever Fury asked how he was doing, you would always give a vaguely positive answer in hopes of protecting Bucky, but you weren't sure how long you could do this for, he was making it impossible. You sighed at last when he remained silent and closed your notebook.

"Well, that's our time today, I'll see you next week," you said and began to get up, he rose at the same time.

"Hey, Elise," he said, and you looked over your shoulder at him, he was scratching the back of his head nervously.

"Do you..." he began, and you turned your body towards him, so he knew you were receptive. "Do you want to get a beer sometime?" he asked, and your eyebrows raised in surprise. "I mean, you don't have to, I completely understand if you're too busy," he quickly said, and you smiled.

"I'd like that, Bucky," you responded. Normally you wouldn't dalliance with the patient, but Bucky was a different case, maybe this was how you could get into his mind. It was at least worth a try. "Tonight, at six?" you offered, and he nodded, the smallest of smiles at the corner of his lips as he backed out of the room, hitting the doorframe briefly. He shut the door and you smiled to yourself, this was a change. This was a positive change.

\------

You sat at the table in the bar, two beers before you but no Bucky. You sighed and checked your watch; he was twenty minutes late. You wondered if he had a change of heart but looked up when the door opened, he entered looking frazzled. His hair was nicely combed, his clothes were a lot better than his usual choice and his blue eyes darted around the room, looking for you. He awkwardly made his way through the bar, the number of people quickly wearing on him and he slid into the chair across from you, you gently pushed the beer towards him.

"Glad you made it," you said softly, and he nodded, grabbing the beer.

"Sorry, they wouldn't let me out," he mumbled.

"They?" you questioned, and he glanced at you.

"The others, they said I was dressed like a homeless person," he explained, and you couldn't help the smile on your lips. From your years as their therapist, that remarked sounded very much like Natasha Romanoff.

"Well you look handsome," you said, and he looked up at you, trying to decide if you were mocking him.

"Thanks, you look," he trailed as he eyed your deep blue button-down silk shirt and black pencil skirt, your black high heels. "Pretty," he said, and you smiled.

"Why thank you, Mr. Barnes," you remarked, and he nodded. "So, tell me, what do I owe the honor of being asked out to a bar?" you questioned, and he sighed. You could tell how uncomfortable he was, even here and you were nearly sure it wasn't you but the surroundings. "Why don't we go somewhere else?" you asked, and he looked at you.

"What?" he asked.

"You're uncomfortable here because of the loud noises and the groups of people, I'm comfortable to go somewhere else with you if it makes you happier," you offered, and he looked around.

"Where?" he asked, and you shrugged.

"My apartment is empty," you suggested.

"You're not...concerned about going somewhere with me?" he asked, and you smiled.

"Why on earth would I be concerned about that?" you inquired, and he shrugged.

"I'm the Winter Soldier, I'm fucked up," he grunted, and you sighed.

"You're Bucky Barnes, the patient I've been seeing for three years and in those three years you've never been violent," you answered, and he nodded. You grabbed your purse and led him from the bar, hailing a taxi. It drove you to your apartment and you loaded into the elevator, you studied him in the silence. He was a handsome man, even with his mop of black hair, his grumpy nature, and horrible posture. The doors slid open and you stepped out first with him following. You unlocked your door and entered, letting him by before you shut the door.

"This is nice," he said, looking around at the vaulted ceilings and calming tones.

"Working for Stark Industries has its perks," you replied. "A beer?" you asked going into the kitchen and opening your stainless-steel fridge, he nodded. You slid across a beer to him and opened your own. "So tell me Bucky, why did you want to see me outside our sessions?" you asked, leaning against the counter and you realized by his eyes that your shirt had dipped low, the buttons not all fastened. You stood back up, trying to keep a professional nature and he looked into your eyes, the longest eye contact you had with him in a long time.

"I wanted to apologize," he said, and you cocked your head to the side in confusion.

"For what?" you asked, shaking your head and he sighed, drinking his beer.

"Being such an asshole, making your job so difficult," he said, and you nodded.

"Ah well that just comes with the territory, trust me you're not the only one," you assured, and he studied you. "But you're the most determined to keep me out," you said and he half-smiled.

"I don't mean to, but I haven't had an opportunity that I can talk to someone I trust," he said, and you nodded.

"I can appreciate that, I'm willing to continue how we've continued for however long it takes you to trust me," you said, and he stared at you again.

"You're different than a lot of people," he said, and you smiled. "You understand what it means to talk to a soldier," he said, and you nodded.

"My dad was a veteran, I grew up around his moods, his distrust of many things," you explained. "I appreciate what you've gone through and how hard it is to acclimate yourself to society again," you said and he continued to stare at you, as though he saw ten layers past what he had seen before.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" you asked.

"I don't know..." he murmured. "I just feel comfortable around you," he said, and you smiled.

"Well that's good, that's what I want, as your therapist," you said. "I want you to be able to talk to me, tell me things you don't tell anyone else because then I can help you," you said.

"I think I'm beginning to," he said, and you smiled. "But not just in a therapy capacity," he said, and you gazed at him, surprised.

"Oh?" you asked, and he looked down at his beer, his own words surprised him. "Bucky, this is a no-judgment zone here, just like in my office," you said, and he looked back at you.

"It's been three years of staring at you, watching you, and learning all your ticks," he said and you gazed at him, you hadn't realized he had been doing the same to you as you had been to him. "Like how when I won't give you anything, you get aggravated and I can tell because you'll tuck your hair behind your ear as you look in your lap," he said. "The way you look at me sometimes, it's one of the most comforting things I've ever felt," he said, and you smiled.

"I'm glad I can offer that," you began but he shook his head.

"No, Elise, you're not listening," he said, and you were thrown by his sudden gathering of courage, it seemed like he had been lacking that for years. "For three years, I've been watching you and wanting you," he said, and you were speechless. "You gotta say something," he griped, and you nodded, blinking rapidly.

"Yes, yes, I’m sorry," you said, realizing he wanted his feelings affirmed. "I appreciate that you feel comfortable enough with me to tell me all of this," you began and realized he was coming around the counter, you found yourself backing away slightly. "I like that you have taken the time to notice these things about me-" you began but he slid a hand beneath your chin, lifting it before pressing his lips against yours.

"Shut up," he murmured, and you whimpered slightly, you were grateful for that. He kissed you again and you kissed him back now. Everything in your mind screamed you were making a thousand professional mistakes but your body, it demanded you stay right where you were. "I want you, Elise, I've wanted you for a year and a half but never dared to tell you," he whispered, near to you and you could feel his body heat radiate. "Let me have you," he murmured, and you nodded, he smiled as he pressed you against the counter. His lips moved over your body, his fingers caressing your skin, unbuttoning your shirt, unzipping your skirt, and pulling it off you, finding all your sensitive areas. You were impressed with him, the way he knew all the right places and the way he was so damn sensitive to your needs.

He laid in bed beside you, staring at the ceiling and you were doing the same. The passion had been real between you, there hadn't been forcing on either part or he had made you cum many times over. You had watched as he released, you sat on top of him and his eyes closed, the emotion that floated on his face was intense. He had moaned your name, begging for your touch and comfort. Now he laid beside you, quiet and lost in his thoughts.

"You don't have to stay," you said, looking over at him and he quickly looked down at you.

"Do you not want me to? he asked.

"Of course, I do but I understand if you don't, a lot just happened," you said, and he nodded.

"It did but you're my therapist, who better to work through it with?" he asked, and you smiled.

"True," you agreed, and he wrapped his good arm around you, pulling you close to him. You laid your head on his chest and closed your eyes as his fingers tickled down your back. You listened to his heartbeat, his breathing, and found it all strangely comforting.


	2. Chapter 2

You sighed as you closed your office door, putting your bag on the desk and hung up your trench coat. It had looked like it was going to rain that morning, but you chanced it by forgetting your umbrella. You began to remove the files from your bag and glanced up as a knock came on the door.

"Come in," you said, looking back in your bag and the door creaked open, you looked to the person who entered. "Bucky, did we have a session?" you asked, moving to look at your schedule laid out on your mahogany desk.

"No, I just thought I'd come by to say hi," He said and pushed forward a beautiful bouquet of peach-colored roses.

"Oh wow, these are lovely," you commented, taking them and he nodded, standing there awkwardly. "What are you up to today?" you asked as you went to grab a vase from under the bookcase.

"Training," he said, and you nodded. Fury saw to it that besides mental health, Bucky was constantly being trained so he wouldn't lose muscle mass and would stay in shape while he recovered from injury, he also wanted him retrained to something more Avenger friendly. "You?" he asked, and you were aware he asked this only because it seemed the most intelligent question at that moment.

"I have a few sessions lined up and then just catching up on work," you said, opening a water bottle and pouring it into the vase, arranging the flowers inside.

"Do you have plans for dinner?" he asked, a tinge of hope in his tone and you smiled, placing the roses on your desk.

"Bucky Barnes, two nights in a row?" you asked, teasing and leaned against your desk, he looked nervous.

"You don't have to," he trailed off and you laughed.

"I would absolutely love to, why don't I order something and you can just come over around 5," you offered, and he nodded.

"Okay," he agreed, and you smiled. There was something else, you could see it in his posture and his expression.

"Bucky, what else is going on?" you questioned, and he glanced at you nervously, he shook his head.

"I don't know what you mean," he replied, and you closed the distance between you, reaching up to stroke his stubble.

"There's something else going on," you said, and you felt him press his cheek into your palm.

"No," he promised, and you gazed in his eyes, there was but you weren't going to push it.

"So, I'll see you at 5?" you asked, dropping your hand and turning back to your desk.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Sounds good," he said and for a moment, you felt him pause. You turned to see if there was something you were missing but he was behind you before you could fully make the circle. His hand was on your hip and his chest pressed your back. "I need you," he whispered, and you froze.

"Bucky, it's 9 o'clock in the morning, I'm meeting with Sam in a half-hour," you reminded and closed your eyes as his fingertips raked against your neck while he swooped your hair over your shoulder, kissing your neck.

"Please," he murmured, and you felt your knees weaken, the way he begged. It made you feel like you were the only one who could take whatever pain or anxiety he was feeling away. You turned to face him, and he pressed his lips against yours. His fingers began to unbutton another one of your shirts and you felt every part of your body coming alive with his touch. "I'll be quick," he promised, and you moaned against his lips.

"Lock the door," you whispered, and he smiled against your lips, going to the office door. He turned the lock and looked back at you, smiling as he crossed the floor. He pushed you up on the desk, shoving your skirt up around your hips and you reached down to unzip his jeans.

\-----------

Sam knocked on the door, stepping back and smiling at the receptionist as he waited. He heard a shuffle behind the door, whispers, and then a thud, he studied it confused. At last, the door swung open, Bucky stood there but quickly skirted past him, Sam looked to Elise. She was seated behind her desk with a serene smile on her face, but her hair was disheveled. He walked in and closed the door.

"Barnes is here early," he commented, and she smiled, nodding.

"He had an emergency session," she explained. "Please, sit," she offered, and Sam slid into the seat across from her desk, still trying to determine what had happened behind closed doors.

"Those are nice flowers," he commented, and Elise's eyes darted to them frantically then she did her best to relax with a smile.

"Thank you, I picked them up on the way in," she said, and he nodded, still sure he saw Bucky with them earlier.


	3. Messy

It had become a habit to hook up with Bucky Barnes, in your office, in your apartment, sneaking into Avengers Towers and anywhere else his lust took hold of him. He was insatiable, needed you all the time and you found it difficult saying no, it was starting to get messy. You had forgotten the lies you already told and began telling more lies to cover your tracks. It wasn't Bucky that didn't want to tell everyone, it was you and your fear that you would lose your job, your air of professionalism if you did. Fury didn't put up with shit and you doubted he would put up with yours.

Bucky had you pressed against the wall, his hand on your hip, and his forehead against yours. You had told him that you needed to take a few days off, to figure things out and he hadn't liked it.

"I need you, Elise," he whispered, and you gazed at him.

"I need you too but we're losing track of things, reality," you murmured and stroked his cheek, he kissed your palm.

"No, we're not," he promised, and you smiled, kissing him tenderly.

"Just a few days, Bucky, I promise," you swore, and he sighed. You kissed him again and then slid out of his embrace, heading down the hall. He rested his head against the wall, and you turned the corner, forcing your legs to walk away from him.

\------

The flowers on your desk were beginning to wilt, you stared at them lost in thought and wondering if you were doing the right thing.

"Elise?" Natasha interrupted and you looked over, startled. You realized then that you had completely ignored everything she had just said to you and she called you out on it.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry, Natasha," you apologized sincerely and shook your head. "This is so unprofessional, I apologize," you said, clicking your pen nervously.

"You all right?" she asked, and you glanced up.

"Just personal things, I shouldn't let them distract me," you said, shaking your head and sighed. "Where were we?" you asked, reading over your notes.

"It's Barnes, isn't it?" she asked, and you froze, looking up.

"What?" you asked, and she gave you one of her knowing smiles.

"Barnes, Bucky Barnes, you two have been seeing each other, haven't you?" she asked.

"Uh, I don't know what makes you believe that," you began, and she laughed.

"Oh, come on, it's obvious," she chided.

"Is it?" you asked, looking up at her again and she smiled.

"Bucky doesn't ever give a shit about his appearance but suddenly he's started asking me how he looks before he leaves at night, he's jumpy anytime someone mentions your name, kind of like you are right now," she said and you sighed, rubbing your eyes.

"God, this is why I wanted to take a few days off," you said and shook your head. "I told him we were getting messy with it, that we were becoming too obvious," you muttered, and she leaned forward in her seat, grabbing your hand.

"Hey, it's fine, there's nothing wrong with it," she said, and you studied her. "You seem to be doing good for Bucky," she said, and you raised your eyebrows.

"Why do you think that?" you asked, and she shrugged, leaning back.

"In his own strange way, he seems happier," she said, and you smiled behind your folded hands. "And I kind of like seeing your mask cracked," she said.

"My mask? What mask is that?" you asked with a laugh.

"The whole professional therapist thing," she said waving her hand and you laughed, nodding.

"I'd appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself," you requested, and she nodded.

"Sure, but I'm not the only one who knows," she stated, and you looked at her again.

"Who else knows?" you demanded, and she smiled.

"Sam," she began. "Steve, Clint," she listed off and you groaned.

"How?" you asked, and she laughed.

"You're a therapist and a damn good one at that but you're a horrible actor as is Barnes, Sam knows because he says you two were hooking up before his session," she pointed out and you rubbed your eyes again.

"That explains the gift of Lysol," you grumbled, and Natasha laughed.

"Oh, that's good," she mocked, and you sighed.

"Well, for now, let's just leave it at that," you said and closed the notebook, leaning back. She stood up and paused.

"We're all happy for you two if that makes a difference," she offered, and you looked up at her. "Barnes has needed a woman in his life for a long time and I'm glad it’s someone that can break him down, understand what he's going through," she said, and you smiled.

"Trying, he doesn't offer much," you said, and she nodded.

"He can't, I know he wants to though," she said, and you smiled. "See you next time," she said and left your office, you stared out the window. So, everyone knew about Bucky and you, probably laughing at the efforts you two went to keep it a secret.


	4. Little Death

They were gone off to another battle, you hadn't seen Bucky before he left and you regretted it now, you should have gone to say goodbye to him. You weren't fooling anyone, and it only pained you by keeping the distance.

It was late at night, you had got lost in your work, something that had become severely backed up during your days with Bucky and now it was a ton of catch up. You furiously typed your notes into the computer, something your receptionist offered to do but you needed that distraction. A knock came on the door and your fingers froze above the keyboard, you glanced at the clock on the computer. You were first amazed it was midnight and second questioned who was there, the knock came again. You reached into your drawer, wrapping your fingers around the bottle of mace, and looked back at the door.

"Come in," you said, and the door creaked open, Bucky entered. He was in his armor still and limped slightly, he looked at you like a lost puppy dog. "Bucky, are you, all right?" you asked, dropping the mace into the drawer and shutting it as you stood.

"Yeah, just a little banged up," he said, limping across the room and you came around the desk with the intention of inspecting him, but his lips were on yours before you could. "I need you," he whispered again, quickly it became apparent to you how much he needed you as he pressed himself against you. "You can't stay away from me that long," he murmured, holding your face and kissing you passionately. You tasted earth, blood on his lips but he wasn't letting go of you. The need filled his grip, your body quickly melded to his and your mind let go of any resistance. He had you on your stomach, over your desk, and your skirt above your hips as he pounded into you, within moments. You moaned, letting things get knocked off however they would, and he cried out in pleasure as he continued to bang into you. "I need you, Elise," he murmured as he continued pacing and you closed your eyes, trying to speak in between the waves of pleasure.

"I'm here," you whispered, and he moaned. "Whenever you need me," you stated, and he groaned again his pace quickening. He was swift with the pull-out and released on your backside, whimpering as he stumbled back into a chair. After a moment to catch his breath, he stood up and proceeded to clean you off with the tissues on your desk, tossing them in the trash bin. You reached down, pulling up your green lace panties and pulling your skirt back down as he pulled his pants together. He sat down and gazed at you as you put your hair back up.

"I'm serious," he said, rubbing his chin and you looked at him.

"About what?" you asked, and he sighed, dropping his hand to his thigh.

"About needing you, I fucking need you all the time," he said. "Way more than you've been giving yourself to me," he stated, and you smiled.

"Bucky, you've been having me wherever you want before," you argued, and he shrugged.

"I need more," he said, and you smiled.

"I don't know how much more I can give you," you said, and he looked up at you.

"I want to live together," he said, and you stared at him.

"We've only been seeing each other for less than a month, do you really think that wise?" you asked.

"Yeah, yeah I do," he pushed, and you sighed.

"Bucky, I can't be your crutch," you said, and he shook his head. "The thing you lean on to solve your problems, I'm not going to solve your problems," you said. "That's only going to be you," you swore, and he sighed, shaking his head as he looked out the window at the lit-up city. "I'm serious, Bucky, I think you're putting all your issues into us, thinking I'll solve them," you said.

"No, I'm not," he argued.

"No? Give me a reason you need me," you demanded folding your arms and he looked at you.

"Because..." he trailed and you waited patiently, he growled. "Because I fucking love you, Elise," he spat out and you stared at him.

"Whoa, Bucky..." you murmured.

"Yeah, I know, I know," he said waving his hand in dismissal. "But you fucking asked," he reminded, and you crouched before him, he looked down at you.

"I don't think you love me, I think you love the feeling I give you when we have sex but you can find that with anyone, its sex," you said. "And it’s very common for veterans with PTSD to be hypersexual," you rattled off and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that's great but I fucking love you, I've loved you for at least a year," he said, and you stared at him then stood quickly.

"But we just started seeing each other," you interjected, and he smiled.

"Yeah, I know but like I told you, I've been wanting you for a year and a half," he said and stood up, running a hand through his mop of hair. "But that's fine, I get it," he said and turned away. "I'll see you at our next session," he promised, opening the door and stepping out, closing it behind him. You sighed and leaned against your desk.


	5. Something I Can Never Have

You didn't see Bucky again; he didn't show up with flowers or show up to see you at all. Friday came, you anxiously awaited your usual session and nearly jumped out of your seat when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," you called. The door opened and he moved into the room, shutting it behind him. "Hi," you said awkwardly. He came over and sat down. "What are we talking about today?" you asked seating herself and crossing your legs.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asked, his leg bouncing, and you eyed him.

"This is your session," you replied, and he nodded, looking out the window.

"Let's talk about why you became such a frigid bitch once I let you in," he began, and your eyes widened.

"Bucky," you began calmly, and he leaned forward, clasping his hands tightly.

"No, I'm serious, you have been after me for years to open, tell you how I feel, and then when I put all my cards on the table, now I'm opening up too fast," he ridicule.

"I never said that," you quickly disagreed, and he laughed, leaning back.

"It wasn’t what you said or didn't say, Elise," he growled. "It was how you reacted, isn't that what you've told me before? Our actions speak far louder than our words?" He asked. "Well your actions tell me that you pity me like all the rest of them and that's why you continue to fuck me," he surmised.

"That's not true!" You exclaimed, losing track of your emotions for a moment and he laughed.

"No? Then why did you push me away? I have abandonment issues, Elise and you of all people should be aware of that!" He shouted and you sighed, attempting to find composure.

"Bucky, I apologize that it appears this way to you and I am well aware of your abandonment issues, which is why I would never intentionally do anything to compromise your comforts," you said and he shook his head again.

"All I wanted was you, Elise, somehow you made everything alright," he said, and you saw tears glinting in his eyes. "I had you and I had Steve, I had a support base like you'd been after me for years to establish," he murmured then shrugged and you gazed at him silently.

"You're right," you replied, and he looked at you.

"What," he said, and you sighed, closing the notebook.

"You're absolutely right, I have pushed and pushed for you to have an open support system, I just didn't realize it was me," you said, and he continued to stare at you.

"What did you think you were to me?" he asked, and you shook your head with a shrug.

"Honestly, I thought I was just a release for you," you responded, and he scoffed.

"Elise," he began, and you sighed, leaning forward.

"Let's discuss this off professional hours, this is a personal issue between us, this session is to discuss your past," you said, and he sighed but nodded in agreement. He opened for the first time in three years, he began to tell you from the beginning to the end, as much as he knew and you listened, enthralled. Suddenly it all became obvious why he reacted to certain situations the way he did, why he attached himself to her so quickly, and why he drew into himself.

"Bucky," you began and held his gaze. "I am so sorry for what you have gone through, I am sorry for how I treated you without knowing your story," you said.

"Don't apologize," he said, shaking his head. “I don't need the pity,"

"I am not saying this out of pity, Bucky," you began. "I say this because I care about you and it truly pains me to know that I have done what the rest of the world has done to you," you said, tears perked in your eyes and he gazed at you. "I have asked you to trust me, to have faith in me but why would you? I have done what everyone else does," you said, and he stared at you speechless. "So, I am sorry for what I have done to you," you said, and he moved forward, pressing his hand against your face. You felt a tear drop down your cheek and his rough thumb wiped it away.

"Elise," he said softly, and you shook your head, diverting your eyes from his. "Hey," he said, tipping your chin up and forcing you to meet his gaze. "You've different than the rest of them," he promised.

"How?" you asked, and he smiled.

"You've tried for three years to help me, you've lied to Fury to keep me here, you're better than them," he explained, and you sighed, dropping your eyes as you nodded.

"I Just...I feel like I should be doing more for you," you replied, and he kissed your forehead. "You deserve more than you've been given," you said.

"I've done horrible things, I'm not faultless, Elise," he disagreed, and you nodded.

"I understand that, but you did them because of what someone else did to you, you were out of your own control," you said, and he gave you a half-smile.

"Are you busy tonight?" he asked, and your eyes moved back to his.

"No," you replied.

"Can I come over?" he asked, and you paused for a moment but nodded. "I'll be over at 7, don’t plan anything, I just want you there," he said, and you nodded, he kissed you. You felt the need in him, but he reigned it in, kept it at bay. He rose from his seat and left you sitting in yours, debating what had just occurred.

\-----

It was a few minutes before seven, you had come home, showered and instead of doing your make up, went natural. You changed into comfortable clothes and waited patiently for him. A minute past seven, the intercom went off and you went over to it.

"Hello?" you said.

"Hey, it's Bucky," he announced, and you smiled, buzzing him in. You unlocked the door and went into the kitchen, pouring the wine you had chilled. There was a knock on the door, and you called for him to enter, he opened the door.

"You should really lock your door," he said, shutting it and you smiled, offering him a glass of wine.

"I unlocked it for you," you responded, and he took the wine, drinking it. You eyed the bags in his hand and then looked back at him. “James Bucky Barnes are you going to cook for me?" you questioned, and he smiled, ducking his head.

"Nothing fancy," he muttered, putting the bags on the counter and you smiled, you had begun to learn to tease him was fun. "I just wanted to show you how much I appreciate you," He said with his back to you and you couldn't help but smile. He started searching your cabinets for pans, you pointed them out and watched as he discovered the rest of what he needed. You moved to the bags, poking through it but felt his hand on your waist, pulling you away. "Don't spy," he said, and you smiled, stepping back as he pulled things out of the bags.

"What's this?" you asked, picking up a leather folder and he looked over his shoulder, then back to the pan spitting with oil.

"Open it," he directed, and you took it to the island, sitting down. You unraveled the tie and opened the folder, pulling out what was inside. You felt Bucky's glance on you, and you realized they were pictures, you laid them on the counter. You spread them out and began to pick up one by one, staring at them.

"Is this you?" you questioned, and he nodded, still staring at the pan. "God, you've always been handsome," you murmured.

"I looked better back then," he said, and you shrugged.

"I don't know, I like a little age in my man," you replied and saw him smile. "Is this Steve?" you asked, and Bucky leaned over to look, he nodded. "Oh my god, he's so tiny," you said, and Bucky laughed.

"Don't tell him I showed you these," he begged, and you laughed.

"No, no, of course not," you vowed and continued to look through the photos. You put the last photo down and looked up at him. "I can't imagine half of what you've been through but I want to be there for you through the rest of it," you said and he looked at you, clear surprise in his eyes as he struggled to keep attention on the food.

"What?" he asked, and you smiled.

"I want to be there for you through the rest of what comes, however that is," you said.

"Thank you," he said softly and kept his eyes on the pan, you smiled. Bucky was a hard person to get to know but once he started opening it, you realized how kindhearted he truly was. Within minutes he had the food on the plate and before you, you stared at it. It looked delicious and you were surprised at this secret talent, he plated his own meal before sitting beside you.

"This is delicious," you commented as you cut into it and put another bite in your mouth.

"Thank you," he murmured and ate his own meal. You picked up a photo of him in his military uniform and admired it quietly for a few moments while you chewed your food. "It's the uniform, isn't it?" he asked, and you laughed, shrugging.

"It must be," you said and looked over at him. "Or its the guy in the uniform," you stated, and he smiled, quickly looking to his plate. "I don't mean to pry but you haven't mentioned any significant others in your life," You said, and he nodded.

"That's because there wasn't any," he stated.

"No one? In all these years?" you asked.

"For a lot of those years I wasn't the most loved person," he said gruffly, and you fell quietly, studying him. You tucked his hair behind his ear, and he glanced over at you. It explained why he suffered from a lack of confidence and had taken so long to show you his affections. “You were the first woman that showed me any sort of kindness," he said, and you stroked his cheek.

"You deserved far more than you received," you remarked, and he stared at his plate as though he was contemplating his thoughts.

"If you knew all the things I have done, you wouldn't think that," he said softly.

"I would always think that," you replied, and he looked at you. "When you come into my office, you're not the Winter Soldier, you're Bucky Barnes and it's him I want to help," you said.

"Is that all you want?" he asked, and you smiled.

"I want you," you said, and his fork clattered to his plate, he quickly turned facing you. He pressed his lips against yours and you threaded your fingers into his hair, deepening the kiss. You both stood, abandoning your dinners and you backed him towards your bedroom as he tried to keep pace with you. You were echoing his need and he could tell. "I want you today, I want you as you were yesterday and the day before," you whispered as he kissed your neck and you clung to his shoulders. "I want you like everything you've ever been," you murmured and you heard him moan into your skin, those words he never thought he'd hear. He tossed you back on the bed and stood over you.

"You don't know who I was before," he said with a shake of his head and you smiled, reaching up for him.

"I know who you are now and it’s because of who you were before," you said, and he laid over you, kissing you again. “I just want you," you whispered and the way he kissed you, you tasted the years of pain. The anger, the hurt, and the loneliness he had been given in return for his service.

"I need you," he whispered the old familiar term. "You make it all go away," he murmured into your neck and you closed your eyes, tilting your head back. "Everything, with you I feel like I'm a man worthy of your love," he murmured.

"You are," you replied, and he nipped at your neck.

"Fuck, Elise," he whimpered, and you kissed his head. He laid his head on your chest and let it rest there as you gently stroke your fingers through his hair, letting him rest. At that moment you understood you were his shelter, his comfort and that's all you wanted to be. You didn't need the sex, you didn't need the passion, you were happy to just let him lie there and be.


	6. Fragile

You laid half-awake in bed that night, staring at the ceiling and trying to go through all of your thoughts with clinical precision. Bucky laid beside you, asleep and covered only by a sheet. You propped yourself up on your elbow and gazed at him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, only momentary recognitions of pain flashed through his expression and you slid your hand into his, holding tightly to it. The pain would fade away at that point and you would kiss his shoulder.

You worried about how involved you were and how much deeper you could go. He was a very fragile soul and you knew this, you were aware of all the fragilities. It was a fine line you walked and one small misstep could crumble his world. You got out of bed, realizing you weren't going to sleep and made yourself a cup of Earl Grey tea, quietly walking to your office. You sat at your desk and began pulling out previous notes on him, reviewing them.

"Hey," his voice startled you, you had been in there for at least an hour and got lost in your world.

"Hi," you said, removing your glasses that you only required for reading and set them on the table. "I didn't realize you were awake," you said softly, shutting the folder and he came over, gazing at the tab.

"Why are you looking at my file?" he questioned, his blue eyes met your eyes.

"I wanted to see if there was anything I missed," you said and he raised his eyebrows.

"Missed?" he inquired.

"You're in a very fragile state and I don't want to be the person that makes you misstep," you explained, leaning back in your seat and he looked back to the file, his fingertips on it. He picked it up and your arm shot out to grab it. "Bucky, don't," you warned and he glanced back at you over his shoulder, flipping open the file.

"Why not? This is about me, I've known what should be in here," he said and started flipping through the pages, you sighed. You waited and watched his expression, his forehead wrinkled as he tried to comprehend things. "I don't remember this," he said, pulling a photo out of him and you leaned forward. It was a surveillance photo of him when he was still considered an enemy and you nodded.

"That was before you became part of SHIELD," you explained and he looked back at the picture. He continued to flip through the file and shook his head as he went, you sighed. "Bucky," you began. "Looking through that isn't going to make you feel better," you reminded and he looked at you.

"Why were you looking at it?" he demanded.

"I wanted to understand you better," you said and he tossed the file on the desk.

"Talk to me then," he said and you smiled.

"I know but you don't always recall things as easily, this has everything in a hard copy," you said, waving the file and he sighed. "Why are you awake?" you asked and he shrugged, running a hand through his hair.

"I had a nightmare," he said and you raised your eyebrows. "No, no, I don't need it deciphered," He warned, shaking his head. "I just need you in bed beside me," he said and you nodded, putting the file away. You followed him out of the room and crawled in bed beside him, he pulled you onto his chest. He kissed your head and ran his fingers down your back. "I still want to move in with you," he said quietly and you smiled.

"Let's do it," you murmured.

"Yeah?" he asked and you nodded.

"Yeah," you agreed and he kissed your head again as you dropped off to sleep.


	7. Pretty Purple Lace

You feathered the brush over your cheekbones but paused, looking in the mirror. You weren't looking at your reflection but his, he was seated on the edge of your jetted bathtub.

"What?" you asked with a bemused smile on your face and he shook his head.

"Nothing," he said, and you laughed, continuing your process. "Why do you put so much of that on you?" he asked, and you turned, studying him.

"What do you mean?" you asked.

"All that makeup, you don't need it," he stated, and you sighed, looking back at the mirror.

"Not everyone sees me through rose-colored glasses like you Bucky Barnes," you answered.

"I'm not either," he said, and you smiled. You put your lipstick on and closed it, putting it back in the drawer. You turned and held out your arms.

"How do I look?" you asked, and his eyes trailed down your body, admiring your form-fitting flower printed dress and then back up.

"I don't know if I can let you leave," he said and you laughed again, rolling your eyes as you walked over. You rested your hands on his shoulders and he pressed his head against your stomach, you kissed his head.

"You have plenty of things to keep you occupied until I'm home from work," you reminded, and he sighed, nodding as you pulled away. You had agreed to have him move in with you, but it came with a laundry list of handyman chores. He had made a quarter of the list himself after staying one night and being displeased with the quality of stuff.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he agreed as you left the bathroom and he followed you out. As you grabbed your coat, your purse, and your bag, he grabbed your wrist pulling you over to him. He kissed your lips and you sighed heavily against his lips.

"You don't make it easy, do you?" you murmured, and he smiled, kissing you again.

"I'm a difficult guy," he responded, and you smiled, kissing him again before leaving. You walked down the hall with a smile on your face and a reason not to stay late at the office this time.

\-----

You were on time that night, it had been a tiring day emotionally, but your spirits were lifted as you pushed the keys into your door, opening it. Entering, you were inundated by the smells of dinner cooking and you put your stuff down in the front hall, poking your head into the dining room. He had the table set, candles, and flowers in the middle of the table, you smiled. You went into your room to get changed and sighed happily as you removed your heels, sitting on the bed. The door creaked open and you looked up, admiring his form. He was shirtless in black sweats and he had tied his hair back even though some of it still fell in his face.

"Hi, how was your day?" he asked, and you shrugged.

"Emotional," you replied, and he nodded. It was hard to separate yourself during sessions, you could keep it together during the session but afterward, you let loose, some of the stories you heard were impossible to not lose it.

"I have dinner ready," he offered, softly. Everything about him was soft when it came to you and you loved it.

"I'm so hungry," you said and stood, he wrapped an arm around your waist. He kissed you tenderly.

"After, I'll draw you a bath and rub your back," he offered, and you groaned.

"It's like you know me," you said as you walked out and he laughed, following you. He pulled your chair out for you and sat across, you admired the plate before you. "This looks so good," you complimented, and he smiled.

"You haven't tried it yet," he pointed out and you laughed, picking up your fork. You took a bite and sighed happily, he smiled. He watched as you ate and drank the wine he had picked out. "Are you going to eat?" you asked, and he nodded, picking up his fork.

"I just enjoy watching you," he replied, and you felt your face grow warm, the way he complimented you it made you feel like one of the most beautiful women alive.

"I like the flowers," you stated, and he glanced up at the peach roses in the middle of the table.

"Can I ask, why peach?" you questioned.

"What?" he asked, and you shrugged.

"Peach is an unusual color, red is usually the go-to color," you said, and he nodded.

"But peach is modest," he replied, and you nodded, holding your wine glass. You felt like there was more, you felt like he had researched this or at least asked at the florist, the color was too unusual not to be significant. "Is it good?" he asked, and you nodded.

"You're going to be cooking every night you keep it up like this," you said, and he smiled.

"I don't mind," he replied.

"Women don't know what they were missing out with you, Bucky," you murmured, and he gazed at you then quickly looked back to his plate, you smiled. He was humble but still divine looking, qualities that were hard to find in a man. "I mean it and not just because you made me this amazing meal," you said, and he looked up at you again.

"Thank you," he said quietly, and you smiled.

"Thank you," you countered and continued to eat. "So, what did you do today?" you asked, and he smiled.

"I replaced the showerhead in your master bath," he said, and you raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know it was broken," you murmured.

"It wasn't broken, but it wasn't good," he said, and you laughed.

"Okay," you said. "Anything else?" you asked.

"I washed your clothes," he said, and you looked up at him.

"What?" you asked, and he studied you for a moment.

"I washed your laundry, is there a problem?" he asked, and you shrugged.

"I'm just...particular on how it's done," you said.

"I separated the darks from the colors," he offered, and you smiled.

"No, I know, I'm sure it's fine," you replied and drank your wine.

"I hope I'm going to get to enjoy some of that underwear though," he said as he put food in his mouth and your eyes widened. "Especially those purple lace-" he began.

"Bucky!" you exclaimed, and he smiled. It was clear he highly enjoyed getting a rise out of you and you felt your face flush.

"What? I'm serious, Elise," he said. "It made me wonder how often you were wearing them when we had a session," he said, and your face grew redder.

"James," you murmured, and he smiled, you had only used that name a few times with him and it was when you were embarrassed.

"If I had known, I would have put them to good use," he said, and you sputtered into your wine glass. You watched him as he stood, walking towards you and slowly he knelt before you.

"Bucky," you whispered.

"I wonder what color you're wearing today?" he asked and slid your nightgown up on your thighs, holding it there. "Lime green, I've met these before," he murmured and parted your legs, pushing his face between them. You closed your eyes feeling his warm breath through the lace fabric and then his lips on you. He kept your legs parted then reached up and pulled the fabric aside.

"Oh my god," you groaned as his tongue licked your pussy and you wriggled in your seat. "Jesus," you whispered.

"Not quite," he said with a grin as he looked up at you and you rolled your eyes.

"I think you are," you murmured, and he nestled his face between your legs again. Suddenly he grabbed you, lifting you up so your legs were hanging over his shoulders and his face was still buried between your legs. You gripped his hair and moaned loudly. He ate you out until you came, and he gently laid you on the bed, you realized he had been walking there as he worked. "Bucky," you murmured, and he smiled, wiping his face with his hand. "Let me help you," you begged, reaching out for his sweats but he pushed your hand away, shaking his head.

"No, I just wanted to make you happy," He said, and you studied him. You stood up and held his face in your hands.

"Let me in, Bucky, let me make you happy," you pleaded, and your hand ran down his muscular chest. He gazed in your eyes and then kissed you, you let him until you began moving to your knees. He stared at you as you knelt before him and stared back up at him, pulling his pants down his hips. You kept your eyes trained on him as you wrapped your mouth around him and his eyes closed, his head tilted back. You coddled his cock, showering it with love and affection until he released down the back of your throat, whimpering in pleasure. You sat back on the bed, wiping your mouth and he stared at you as he tried to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"For what?" you asked, and he shrugged.

"Christ, I don't even know, I just feel like I should apologize," he muttered and ran a hand through his hair.

"Why do you feel like that though?" you asked, and he looked at you.

"Let's not bring therapy into the bedroom," he said, and you nodded.

"Of course, I apologize," you agreed and backed up on the bed, getting under the covers. "Come here," you commanded, and he eyed you. He was struggling with being commanded, you lowered the blanket to reveal your breasts and he sighed, he knew you had won. He climbed into bed with you and you pulled him against you. "Thank you for tonight," you said.

"It was good?" he asked.

"Hell yeah," you said, and he smiled, kissing your breast. "I'm glad you moved in with me, maybe now I won't be such a workaholic," you said, and he traced his finger over your skin. "I have you to come home to," You said, and you kissed his hair.

"Thank you for letting me," he said, and you smiled to yourself, as always, humble.


	8. Trust

His eyes were haunting to you, in them was all the sadness and pain he kept inside. He would look at you with such lost puppy dog eyes and all you wanted to do was hug him, hold him. You had started looking into the type of brainwashing that was used on him and was horrified by all of it, you couldn't believe the levels of depravity he was subjected to.

You were asleep beside him; you had started playing sleep music at night to calm him and it had worked thus far. You woke to something though, your eyes fluttered open and you tried to understand what woke you. You heard him murmur next to you and you turned your head to look at him. His face was scrunched up as if he were in intense pain, he was speaking a language you didn't know, and you waited patiently. Your father would have night terrors as well and your mother wouldn't wake him up suddenly. You scooted close to him and reached out, stroking his arm. You tickled his chest and kissed his shoulder.

"Bucky," you whispered, making sure to use the nickname Steve used. "Bucky," you whispered again as you continued to gently tickle him and you propped yourself up on your elbow, gazing down at him. "Bucky," you said a little louder and you knew the mistake you made as soon as you made it, but you had little time for regret. His bionic hand reached up, grabbing hold of your throat and he was out of bed, holding you in the air by your neck. You looked at his face, the air being denied to you and the look on his face sent pure fear into your heart. You reached out and slapped his shoulder, trying to wake him but he slammed you into the wall instead. You gasped for air, your feet dangling and with the realization, you had to do something, or you were probably going to die. "Виннифред!" you shouted, desperate. It was immediate, you saw the result in his eyes, and he blinked, focusing on you. Quickly he dropped you and you collapsed to the floor, gasping for air.

"Elise!" he exclaimed, and you grabbed at your neck, the pain making you wince. You looked up at him and saw it in his eyes, the fear of what he had just done.

"Bucky," you whispered reaching out for him, but he quickly shook his head, grabbing a t-shirt. He threw it over his head and left in a hurry, you couldn't do anything but lay on the floor trying to regain your senses. It was a half-hour by the time you were able to crawl onto your bed and you grabbed your phone on the bedside table, texting Steve what had happened. You couldn't go after him but maybe Steve knew what to do. He quickly texted back asking if you were okay and you told him you were fine but worried about Bucky, he assured you he would find him. You fell back in bed and closed your eyes, reaching out to touch the empty part of your bed where he had just laid.

You woke up early the next morning, making yourself a cup of tea and sitting down in the window on your armchair, attempting to settle yourself. The warm sun felt good on your shoulders and you had called into your office that you were taking the day off; you didn't have any sessions scheduled. Steve had kept you up to date, saying he hadn't found him yet, but he had Nat helping as well as Sam. You were scanning the news trying to find out if he showed up anywhere but to no avail. You nearly choked on your tea when the door opened, and he walked in. He stopped short seeing you in the window, he had a jacket on with his black ball cap and his hands shoved in his coat pockets as deep as possible. He stared at you and you returned the stare. He quickly disappeared from the front hall and you launched out of your seat, walking after him. You walked into the bedroom and found him shoving stuff in a backpack.

"Bucky?" you asked lingering in the doorway. "What are you doing?" you asked.

"This was a mistake," he said, and you watched him quietly.

"What was a mistake?" you questioned, stepping into the room.

"Me living with you, I can't live with anyone," he growled and zipped the backpack shut, tossing it over his shoulder. He pushed past you and headed for the front door.

"Bucky, please," you pleaded, and he stopped, staring at the door. He turned at last and you moved towards him. His eyes shifted down to your neck that had a dark bruise on it, and he stared at it.

"Don't go," you murmured, and he looked back at your eyes.

"I can't live with you knowing I could do that to you again," he said and lifted his hand to your neck but dropped it. You grabbed his hand and placed it on your neck.

"This is the rest of it that I told you I wanted to be there for," you said, and he shook his head.

"I almost killed you," he argued.

"But you didn't, it wasn't you," you said and pushed yourself closer to him, holding his hand to your face. "I want you, however, you come and whatever I have to do to help you," you said, and he gazed at you with those haunted eyes.

"What if I go too far one day?" he asked, and you smiled.

"Then I'll die loving the man I want," you replied, and he stared at you, clearly surprised by your response. He pressed his lips against yours and you pulled him close, holding him tightly as though you were trying to keep him away from the door. "Don't leave me," you whispered as he hugged you.

"I won't," he agreed, and you smiled into his jacket, closing your eyes as you inhaled his scent. It was an uphill battle, but it was one you were willing to fight, he had never had someone by his side to fight it with him. You couldn't let go just because it started to get difficult, maybe even suicidal. But you were committed, you had worked hard to gain his trust and if you walked away now, it would be all for nothing.


	9. Regression

You were seated across from Steve Rogers in your office, listening to him speak about his past and you always found his past interesting, he had lived a life. Your phone went off on your desk and both your attention was brought to it, you smiled.

"Please, continue," you urged, and he nodded. As soon as he started speaking again, three sentences in, your phone went off again and you sighed. "I'm sorry, I forgot to put this on silent mode," You said with a shake of your head as you got up and went to your desk, scooping the phone off a pile of papers. You unlocked it and turned the volume down, putting it back on the desk.

"You're not going to check who it was?" Steve asked as you turned back, and you sat down.

"No, no, it's fine," you assured, and he nodded. He continued with his story and you only interjected with clarification questions. You glanced at your watch, realizing you had gone a half-hour past his time. "Well, we have gone over our time now, but I feel like you've accomplished something today," you said, and he smiled, standing up.

"Me too, thank you," he said, shaking your hand and you smiled. "How are things with Bucky?" he asked, and you knew he meant after that night.

"Good, he felt horribly guilty, but I've made sure to remind him it wasn't him that did that," you said walking him to the door and Steve smiled.

"I'm glad you two are together, he needs someone that can get inside his head," he said, and you laughed.

"Well every day is a new challenge," you said, and Steve smiled, walking out the door. You closed it and went back to your desk, sitting down. You picked up your phone and unlocked it, checking messages. Bucky had texted you and you were in the middle of reading his very rambled text when a knock came on the door, your receptionist pushed in.

"Elise, the police just called, they picked Bucky up and he keeps saying he wants to talk to you," she said, and you stared at her. His text has worried you; it was half in English and half in Russian, you could decipher only a bit of the Russian. You stood, grabbing your coat off the rack by the door, and moved past her.

"Tell Natasha I need to reschedule," you said and stepped into the elevator, nervously re-reading his text. Something had triggered him recently and you had a horrible sinking feeling it had been the file you were looking through; you never should have let him look at it.

After a short taxi ride, you entered the police station and stood in line at the desk. The officer looked up as you stepped forward and you tried your best to smile.

"I'm here to see James Barnes?" you asked, and he glanced at his papers then nodded.

"This officer here will take you to him," he said, motioning to an officer lingering nearby and you followed him into a room with two chairs and a table. You sat down, patiently waiting as you looked around at the sparse decor and you quickly turned when you heard footsteps approaching. You stood seeing Bucky being led in with cuffs on and you waited as the cuffs were removed, you wrapped your arms around him. You pet the back of his head as you held him close but noticed he didn't wrap an arm around you, you stepped back.

"Bucky, what happened?" you asked as the pair of you sat down and you stared at him across the table. He was severely disheveled and looked like he had been in a bar fight or two.

"Someone was an asshole," he said, and you stared at him.

"There are a lot of assholes in this world, Bucky, you can't go around punching them," you said, and he looked at you finally.

"Why not," he said, and you sighed.

"Because this is where it lands you!" you stated, and he shrugged.

"Where else do I belong," he said and you leaned into the table, holding his gaze.

"With me," you said, and his eyes weren't that haunting loneliness anymore, they were cold. Cold and unemotional. "What happened, Bucky?" you asked again leaning back.

"I told you," he said, and you shook your head.

"I'll get you a lawyer," you said.

"Don't bother," he replied, and you stared at him. Sighing, you stood with your coat over your arms and gazed down at him.

"I'm getting you a lawyer and I'm going to pay whatever bail they give you then I'm taking you home," you said and turned, knocking on the door.

"Don't bother," he replied, and you sighed but left the room when the door was opened. You glanced back at him as he was cuffed and his eyes stayed on you as you walked out, your heart ached. You were aware there may be some regression, but this was severe regression and it broke your damn heart.


	10. Alive

You delved into his file, reading it thoroughly several times over and trying to comprehend what was going on. You got a phone call that his bail had been set and you quickly transferred the money, paying it. You went down to the police station with Steve and waited for him to be released. You watched as they returned his belongings to him and he headed out to the lobby.

"Hey man," Steve said and Bucky nodded.

"Bucky, you're going to come home with me, alright?" you asked, and he looked at you then looked to Steve.

"Can I come with you?" he asked, and you looked at Steve who turned to you.

"Do you mind?" he asked, and you shook your head. You understood that the bond between Steve and Bucky was tighter than yours ever would be.

"No," you said with a shake of your head and watched as they left the station, sighing. You hailed a taxi outside and returned to your empty apartment. You flopped down on your couch with a quart of ice cream and flipped the television on. You needed to just decompress and sulk, you couldn't do anything else. You made your way to your office after putting the ice cream back and settled in at your desk, returning to his file. You pulled open your drawer to grab the gum you kept in there and looked inside. You pulled out folded papers and gazed at them, unfolding one. You opened another and then another, realizing these were all letters to you from him.

_Dear Elise,_

_I know I'm a difficult man, I know you're trying everything in your power to help me and keep me sane, but I feel it slipping away little by little. My sanity, my humanity and it scares me. I'm worried what I will do to you if I lose it all and have started pulling away to protect you, I know you're going to notice. I'm writing this so you have a reminder that I love you and what you've done for me. You are my safe space, but I'll fight you every step of the way to get there, don't give up on me._

_Bucky_

You stared at the letter, reread it, and again. You knew you would have to back off, give him his space but it pained you not to have him close, not to have him within a hug's distance. You decided then that you would leave him be and offer friendship if anything. You put the letters back and closed the drawer, shutting off your desk light. Reviewing his file would give you nothing compared to what the letter gave you.

\-----

You woke up early in the morning to your cell phone ringing and you pulled yourself up against the headboard, answering it.

"Hello?" you asked, wincing in the sunlight.

"Did I wake you?" Steve asked.

"It's fine, is everything okay with Bucky?" you asked, and he sighed.

"Well, he's fine right now," He said, and you got out of bed, going to your kitchen. "But I don't know how long that will last, Elise," he said, and you sighed, digging through the k-cups.

"What do you think he needs?" you asked, slipping one into the Keurig and turning it on.

"He needs to go away," he said, and you stared at the counter.

"Where?" you asked.

"I've spoken with T'Challa and he agreed to take him, he said Shuri would be able to help him," he stated, referring to Wakanda and you felt a tinge of pain in your heart, you wanted to help him.

"All right, is he on board?" you asked.

"Yeah, I think he's tired of running from himself," he said, and you took the cup, opening the fridge for your creamer.

"Good, that's good he recognizes that," you said, attempting to remain professional.

"How are you with this?" he asked.

"You know, I've come to the hard realization that I'm doing him more harm than good, that I can't give him what he needs but I still intend on being there for him, however, he will let me," you said.

"Good, glad to hear it, that's what he needs," he said.

"I love him, Steve, I want to give him whatever he needs," you said.

"You're part of the reason he agreed to go," he said.

"Am I?" you asked.

"Yeah, he said he doesn't want to keep hurting you and that he wants to get help so he can be a better man for you," he said.

"You had quite the talk," you murmured and Steve laughed.

"Yeah, two army buddies having a drink gets a lot accomplished," He said and you smiled.

"It sounds like it," you replied. "When will he leave?" you asked.

"Today," He said, and you sighed. "But he wants to see you," he said.

"He does?" you asked, trying not to sound too much like a schoolgirl with a crush.

"Yeah, in fact, he said he needs to see you," he urged, and you smiled.

"Well, I'll be over then," you promised.

"Sounds good," he agreed. You hung up with him, finishing your coffee and stepping into the shower. You put on a flower button-down dress and did your hair, leaving make up minimal as he liked. You got a taxi over and for a minute, gathered your composure as you stood in front of the door. You rang the bell finally and waited. The door opened and Steve stood there, he smiled.

"Good morning," he said, pecking you on the cheek and you entered the apartments. "He's on the balcony," he offered, and you nodded, weaving your way through the apartment. You saw him seated in an armchair facing the city and took a deep breath before stepping out, he looked over at you.

"Hi," he said, standing and you smiled, lingering by the door.

"Hi," you replied and after a moment, he closed the distance between you. He kissed your lips and gazed in your eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said, and you shook your head.

"There's nothing to apologize for," you promised, and he smiled, stroking your cheek.

"I'm not doing this to get away from you," he said, and you smiled.

"I know, you need to do this though and I appreciate that," you responded, and he kissed you again.

"Will you wait for me?" he asked, and you laughed.

"Bucky Barnes, I would wait a lifetime for you and six more after that," you assured, and he smiled.

"I'll miss you," he said, and you smiled.

"Just don't fall in love with one of those beautiful Wakanda girls," you urged, and he laughed.

"Never, there's only one beautiful woman for me," he said, and you smiled, kissing him. Parting, he continued to hold your face in his hand and gaze in your eyes. "I love you, Elise," he said, and you felt every part of your body tingle.

"I love you, Bucky," you murmured, and he kissed you again.

"Hey, it’s time," Steve said coming out and Bucky looked over you at him then nodded.

"Thank you," he said looking at you and you smiled.

"There's nothing to thank me for," you responded and kissed him again, clinging to his shirt. You parted from him and watched as he left the balcony, you gave a grateful smile to Steve who nodded to you.

"They'll take good care of him," he assured, and you nodded.

"I have no doubt," you agreed and Steve left after Bucky. You sighed and leaned against the balcony railing, staring out at the waking city. You had meant it when you said you'd wait a lifetime for him, you'd grow old and grey waiting for him to come back to you.


	11. Eye of the Needle

**\-------**

**FIVE YEARS LATER**

**\-------**

Steve had assured you Bucky was safe, that he was now called the White Wolf, and spent his time in Wakanda entertaining children as well as farming. You had kept your distance, he needed recovery and you had been tied in with his memories of the past.

Steve visited you one night, the rain had been pelting against the glass windows and you had poured your third cup of tea, reading a book in front of your fireplace. You answered the door and welcomed Steve happily.

"Did you want a cup of tea?" you asked, and he shook his head, sitting down on the couch.

"No, thank you," he said, and you nodded, sitting across from him. "We're leaving for Wakanda tomorrow," he said, and your eyes widened.

"Oh," you said softly, not wanting to assume anything. Thunder rumbled outside the window and Steve smiled.

"I'm inviting you with us," he said.

"Do you think that wise?" you asked, and Steve nodded.

"He's been in isolation for five years, Shuri has made huge strides with decoding and reprogramming him so to speak," he said, and you nodded. "I think he wants to see you," he said.

"But has he said that?" you asked.

"Well no but I haven't spoken to him either," he said, and you nodded.

"I don't want to undo everything he's done," you murmured.

"I understand but take it from a guy that lost the woman he loved to time, I'd want to see her on the worst of my days and I think Bucky is the same way," He said and you smiled.

"I'll think about it," you promised, and Steve nodded, standing.

"We leave at 8 tomorrow morning," he said, and you nodded, standing to see him to the door.

"Thank you, Steve, for thinking of me," you said, and he kissed your cheek.

"Of course," he replied and left; you closed the door behind him. You tossed and turned that night, the debate ongoing. You hadn't seen him in five years, you had grown older, but he would look the same. You had kept everything in your life exactly the same as the day he left as much as you could, same apartment, everything was exactly as he had left it and in all the places he would remember.

At 7 am you rose, showered, and dressed. You knew what you wanted and were going to go out to get it. You glanced at your apartment one last time before departing and headed over. You entered the bay where the Avengers were and Steve looked at you, he smiled.

"I'm glad you're here," he said, hugging you and you smiled, moving on to greet the rest. "He'll be happy to see you," he said.

"I hope so," you remarked, tucking hair behind your ear.

"He will," he assured.

**\------**

You landed in Wakanda, it was a beautiful land and you had stared at it in wonder as you flew over it.

"Pretty, isn't it?" Steve asked.

"Very," you agreed. The ship landed and you hung back as they got off the ship, greeting T'Challa.

Suddenly you heard Bucky's voice and you froze, you forgot what it sounded like. He greeted Steve and they shared a hug, you peered out of the ship nervously.

"I brought you a surprise," Steve said, turning back to the ship and you realized it was your moment. You stood up and gazed at Bucky who stared right back at you.

"Hi Bucky," you said tentatively, moving out of the jet and he continued to stare at you. You admired how good he looked, he looked rested and happy, as though the nightmares didn't chase him anymore. "I hope you don't mind me coming," you said softly standing just outside the jet and feel extremely awkward.

"Elise," he whispered as though your name brought breath back into his lungs. You saw Sam give him a nudge and he moved forward, walking towards you. You had prepared yourself for him to turn you away, to want nothing to do with you again but he was making a steady pace to you. He wrapped his arm around you, encompassing you in his warmth and earthy scent. You clung to him, silently begging the universe to freeze time, and closed your eyes, you had missed his embrace for so long. You felt the loneliness of every night, the emptiness of the days following his departure, and the chaotic worry over if he was okay disappeared. He pulled back and kissed you, you deepened the kiss. "I fucking missed you," he grunted, and you smiled.

"I thought you would be mad I came," you said, and he smiled.

"No," he said and hugged you again. "I wish you had come sooner when we weren't on the verge of battle," he said.

"I was giving you space to recover," you said, and he nodded. You reached out and tucked his hair behind his ears. "You're still as handsome as I remember, maybe even more," you murmured, and he grinned.

"Only you would think that," he said, kissing you.

"We'll give you some time," Steve said, placing a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "But then we need you," he said, and Bucky nodded. He slid his hand into yours and started walking away from the rush of people.

"I want to show you where I've been staying," he said and you smiled, you'd go wherever with him at this point. He showed you his home that was simple but comfortable, showed you the fields he had sowed. Introduced you to the children who rallied around you and you couldn't help but be infected by their joy, they were so unaware of the battle that was about to breach their peaceful borders. You stood with him by the lake, your hand in his and you both were silent.

"I read your letters over and over again," you said, and you felt his eyes on you.

"You did?" he asked, and you nodded.

"They kept me company," you explained, and he smiled.

"I'm glad," he said. "Elise," he began, turning to you and you turned your body towards him. "During these five years there has only been one question that keeps rolling around in my mind," he said, stroking your cheek.

"I didn't touch any of your belongings," you said, and he laughed, shaking his head.

"No, I don't care about that, I half expected you to throw them away," he said.

"Never," you swore.

"All I kept thinking about was you, again and again, you," he said. "Shuri told me to think the happy thoughts so she wouldn't remove them and all I could think about was you," he said, and you smiled.

"That doesn't seem like a question," you replied, and he smiled, running a finger over your lips.

"No, it's not," he said and sighed. "You're my question," he said, and your eyebrows raised.

"I'm your question?" you asked.

"I came here because you were my constant question, could I be the man you needed me to be? After all, I had been through, could I be with you and not hurt you?" he asked. "Now, I think I'm at a place I can be," he said, and you gazed at him.

"What does that mean?" you asked, and he kissed you again, almost as though he was trying to get it in before he asked you in case you rebuked him.

"After this is done if we survive," he said with visible pain. "I want to go away with you," he said.

"Go away?" you asked, and he nodded.

"I want to disappear somewhere in the country with you," he said.

"But I have a job here," you reminded.

"I know you do but this world is filled with broken people, I think you can find a job anywhere," he said.

"But your friends need me," you said, and he smiled, kissing you.

"I want you, Elise, I want you as much as I've wanted you for the past 7 years," he said. "I don't want to share you anymore, I'm selfish," he said.

"What will you do?" you asked, and he shrugged.

"Farm," he said, and you smiled.

"Have you become a farm boy?" you asked, and he smiled, looking at the pond.

"I think I have, there's something rewarding in it," he said, and you smiled. You laid your head against his chest and stared out at the pond; he wrapped an arm around you. "What do you think?" he asked, and you smiled. You loved your job; you loved the people you worked with, but you loved this man far more.

"I think we should," You said, pulling back and gazing up at him. He smiled and kissed you.

"I don't know what I can offer you," he said.

"What do you mean?" you asked, and he looked visibly uncomfortable.

"Marriage, kids, I don't know if I'm good for it," he said, and you smiled.

"You know what? I'll take what you can give me, I love you," you said and he smiled but you saw the pain in his eyes, he wanted to give you normal things. "Hey, hey, I promise, I mean that," you said, reaching up and holding his face in your hands. "I've waited five years for you and you're enough," you promised and kissed him, he held you there. "When this is over you and I are going to disappear, we're going to nestle away in the country and die happily in love," you vowed and he smiled, kissing you back.

It was a flawless plan, all he had to do was survive. You hadn't counted on Thanos, you knew extraordinarily little about him other than what the team told you during therapy sessions and you honestly didn't understand the gauntlet thing. If you had known that all he would do was snap and take away the only man you had absolutely loved, you would've begged Bucky to disappear with you sooner. But you hadn't, you had assumed it was like any other normal battle and you were confident in Bucky, you were believed he was invincible. You were protected with other villagers, waiting for the battle to be done and your heart beat faster when Steve came in. He looked at you and it was all over his face, he didn't need to say anything.

"No," you said, and Steve moved across the room, pulling you in his arms. "No, no," you whispered and the pair of you shared your grief for Bucky. All your future, your dreams, and the patience you had for five years wasted. He was gone.


	12. The Miles Between Us

The days after were filled with confusion and grief, horrible grief. You curled yourself into a ball in your bed and reread his letters a thousand times. You knew better than to fight the pain, the grief, and let it wash over you completely. You rose from bed on the second week and went to work, others needed you. You sat in the sessions, listening to their own grief, their own despondence and you knew their feelings firsthand for once. Steve stopped by the apartment, dropping off some of Bucky's belongings and you took them, going through them methodically. One of his sweatshirts was included and you wore it around the house, relishing in the lingering scent of his. Steve had the worst of it, he always felt more responsible for everything that had happened and he felt guilty over Bucky. You could appreciate his loss was far worse than yours, Bucky was his battle buddy and that carried throughout the years.

You put in your two weeks to Rogers, Fury was gone now, and he tried to talk you out of it, but you had enough of all of it. You had done your last session and were packing up some of your belongings. The rest of it would go into storage and you would leave it behind. You were moving to Montana, disappearing into the country like Bucky had wanted and bought a 100-acre home. It was there you imploded on yourself, long nights of crying, days of staring into the vast emptiness of the open sky and doing it all again every day. You had tossed your cell phone on the way to the plane, there was no one to call anymore or stay in contact with, your parents were long since dead. You hold yourself up there and enjoyed the solace from society it brought you, although Bucky's clothes you hung in your closet always brought you back. The years passed, you tried gardening but didn't have the knack for it, instead, you started knitting. It brought you peace and you did a lot of it. You also got a dog, a white German Shepard you named Wolf.

Spring rolled around, with the rainy season and you were most inside the house, with a cup of tea always close by. You had read through your collection of books and had started writing one of your own, for lack of better things to do. You woke up on a rare sunny but chilly day and put on the chunky cardigan you had knitted, grabbing the keys. Wolf jumped in your pickup and you got in, making the drive into town. You parked in front of the used bookstore, getting out after promising Wolf you'd bring him back something good and headed in, saying hi to the storekeeper. You browsed through the shelves, picking out a few new ones and set them on the counter, having a quick talk with them while you paid. You took the bag and headed down to the general store, you had run out of flour as well as eggs. You grabbed the eggs along with the flour and went to the counter, patiently waiting in line. You felt eyes on you but looking around, you didn't see anyone.

"Hey Elise," Kate, the girl that normally rang you up, greeted as you set your stuff down and you smiled.

"Hey, how's business?" you asked, and she shrugged.

"Guess its fine, still have my job," she said, and you smiled. "How about you? How's Wolf?" she asked.

"Oh right, thank you," you said and went around the aisle, grabbing a box of dog biscuits. You set it down and she smiled. "He's good, out in the truck," you said, and she nodded. You passed the money to her and thanked her, grabbing the bag. You started back to the truck, shrugging your shoulders to bring the cardigan further up to your neck and you looked up, finding your blue 50's 3100 Chevy truck where you had left it.

"Elise?" a voice came, and you glanced over your shoulder, you nearly fell over your own feet. He was standing there, his hair tied back and wearing his tan jacket, his blue eyes staring at you.

"Bucky?" you asked, your mind refused to believe that's who it was. "But you were gone..." you murmured turning to face him as he moved towards you.

"Yeah, I came back," He said, a simplistic explanation for an overly complicated situation. "I tried to go to your apartment, but Steve told me you weren't there anymore," he said, and you nodded.

"Yeah, I left," you said and studied him. He looked healthy, he looked as though he had never left, and he stared at you, recognizing you had aged. "I don't understand, you were gone," you said again.

"They fixed it," he said, and you raised your eyebrows.

"Who fixed it?" you questioned.

"Steve, Tony..." he trailed off indicating the group. "Why did you leave?" he asked.

"I had to Buck, I couldn't be around everything that reminded me of you," you said and that haunting look in his eyes had returned.

"Do you know how hard it was to find you?" he asked and reached up, tucking your hair back.

"How did you find me?" you asked.

"Vision," he said.

"He's back?" you asked, and he nodded. "How many of you came back?" you asked.

"Mostly all of us," he replied. "Though we lost a few again," he murmured, you saw him shiver and you realized where you were again.

"Come back with me," you offered, and he nodded, taking the bags from you. You led him to your truck, pointing to the bed for the bags, and then opened the door.

"Whoa," Bucky said, looking in and you remembered Wolf.

"He's nice," you promised, and Bucky opened the door, putting his palm out. Wolf sniffed it as you pet him and Bucky carefully got in, Wolf adjusted fine to him as you gave him a biscuit.

"So, you live here?" Bucky asked as you started the truck and you nodded, backing out.

"Yeah, I bought our hideaway in the country," you said, and he smiled, nodding as he gazed out at the passing scenery. "I missed you, Bucky," You said, glancing over at him in between watching the road and he looked at you.

"I'm sorry," he said, and you nodded. You drove up the long dirt drive to your house, getting out and Wolf jumped out happily, running off. Bucky got out and looked around.

"You really did move into the country," he commented, and you smiled.

"Did my best," you said, he grabbed the bags from the bed of the truck and followed you to the front door, you unlocked it. "Just there," you said, pointing to the corner and he placed them down gently. "So, this is it," you said, and he looked around.

"It's perfect," he said, and you smiled.

"Did you want anything?" you asked going into the kitchen with the bag of flour and eggs.

"Beer?" he asked, and you smiled, opening the fridge. You pulled out a bottle of his favorite and gave it to him, he looked at the label. "Thought you hated this one," he said.

"I learned to like it," you said with a smile and grabbed one for yourself as you opened it. "So, fill me in," you said, jumping up on the counter and dangling your feet over the floor. He sighed and gazed out the window.

"Everything?" he said, and you nodded. "That's a lot," he murmured and thought. "So, I went away, it only seemed like five minutes, but it clearly wasn't," he started.

"Way longer than five minutes," You said, and he smiled.

"Way longer," he agreed. "Then I came back, and we defeated Thanos," he said.

"So, he's gone?" you asked, and he nodded.

"Gone," he promised, and you smiled.

"You said you lost some, who did you lose?" you asked, and he hesitated, eyeing you.

"Natasha and Stark," he said, and your eyes widened.

"What?" you murmured.

"Yeah, Natasha sacrificed herself for the Soul Stone and Tony sacrificed himself for the entire thing," he said, and you stared at him.

"What about Pepper?" you asked.

"She's doing okay, as far as I can tell," he said, and you nodded.

"Shit that sucks," you muttered, staring at the floor and you both fell quiet. Scratching at the door brought you back and you jumped off the counter, letting Wolf in. You jumped back up on the counter again and took your beer.

"How long have you been here?" he asked.

"A while," you responded, and he nodded.

"When I was wherever I was," he started. "The only person I thought about was you," he said, and you stared at him.

"So, you were conscious?" you asked, and he nodded.

"It was like purgatory or something," he explained.

"Weird," you said, and he nodded.

"It was, I thought I was there forever," he said.

"I'm glad you weren't, I missed you," you said, and he smiled. He moved closer to you, pushing your legs apart, and kissed you. You set your beer down and wrapped your arms around his neck, you tilted your head up giving him room to kiss your neck.

"I want you," he whispered, and you smiled.

"I'm yours," you replied, and he groaned, grabbing you off the counter. He carried you up the stairs and into the loft bedroom, laying you down.

It was hours later; you were in bed exhausted but deliriously happy and he got up to go to the bathroom.

"So, have you had anyone else?" he asked as he sat on the end of the bed and you looked at him.

"Where?" you asked.

"Here," he said motioning to the bed, and you laughed.

"Please," you said.

"I'm serious, Elise," he urged, and you sighed.

"No, I've had no one else but you Bucky Barnes," you assured, and he smiled, falling back into the pillows. You climbed on top of him and started kissing all over his face. "How could I? You're the only man I've loved for so many years," you said, and he smiled, you fell beside him. "You know you're in trouble now," you said, and he looked at you.

"Oh yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah, I've had tons of things that need fixing around here and no one to do them," you said, and he laughed, rolling on his side as he pulled you into him.

"Fuck you," he said, and you smiled, kissing him.

"Anytime," you promised, and he snorted as his eyes closed, a smile on his face. You didn't want to close your eyes, ever, you were afraid he'd disappear again if you did.


	13. Lost in the Thick of It

You woke the next morning to an empty bed and you panicked, jumping out of it. You grabbed your robe, throwing it on and your slippers, hurrying down the stairs. He wasn't in the kitchen, he wasn't in the living room and you wrenched open the front door, Wolf jumped up from the porch. Bucky looked up at you from the chair and you stared at him, he smiled.

"Morning," he said, and you exhaled.

"Hi," You said and pushed your way into his lap, he wrapped an arm around you. "I thought it was either a dream or you left me," you said, stroking his hair and he smiled.

"Still here," he assured, and you smiled, kissing him. "I just wanted to see the rain," he said nodding to the scenery, and you looked out.

"You'll have plenty of time for that, it rains pretty steadily here," you said.

"Good for the earth," he commented, and you smiled.

"True," you agreed and looked down at him again, kissing him. "You won't leave me again, will you?" you asked, and he smiled.

"Only when I'm six feet under," he promised and you smiled but secretly wondered if he could die, from anything but Thanos. "What's wrong?" he asked, clearly recognizing your change in expression.

"You've been gone for a while now but nothing on you has changed," You said. "But for me, I've got new wrinkles and random grey hairs," you said, and he smiled, rubbing the back of your neck.

"But you're still fucking beautiful," he said, and you smiled.

"Thank you but what happens when I age? Do you stay the same?" you asked, and he sighed, looking out at the rain.

"Dunno," he said, and you studied his face, it was clearly something that had bothered him before.

"When I die..." you began.

"Can we stop," he demanded and then looked at you, you nodded realizing he was getting upset. "Let's just enjoy this," he said, and you smiled, resting your cheek on his head as you watched the rain with him.

"Of course," you whispered.

\-----------

Bucky decided if you were going to be living out in the wild yonder you should learn some self-defense and he began to teach you. You didn't enjoy it at first as it was a heavy physical exertion but soon enough you began to get the hang of it and half the time, the training led to some pretty hot sex so you couldn't complain. Especially when you mastered the move of spinning around his back and wrapping your legs around his neck, so his face was in your crotch, that move drove him wild. You just enjoyed waking up in the morning, on days when it wasn't raining, getting your coffee and looking out the window over the sink, watching him work out. He was a specimen and you loved every bit of him. Wolf quickly took to him and would follow him around everywhere.

You were seated on the front porch one afternoon, watching Bucky working to put a fence around the perimeter when your phone rang and you looked at the caller ID _Fury_ was the name that popped up and you stared at it. You had only got the phone because Bucky wanted you to in case you broke down on the road into town. He told you how stupid it had been not to have one. You weren't sure who was on the other end, last you knew Fury was dead but you also had thought Bucky dead before he showed up.

"Hello," you said as calmly as you could. You had no idea how he got your number as you hadn't given it to anyone but Bucky.

"Hello Ms. Marquis," his familiar voice said, and you cringed, Fury didn't call unless he had business.

"Nick, hi," you said. "Good to hear you alive," you said and he grunted. "How'd you get my number?" you asked.

"I'm fucking Nick Fury, I can get anyone's number," he said, and you nodded, that was probably very right.

"Why are you calling it?" you asked, eyeing Bucky who was hammering in a post and you watched his muscles glistening in the afternoon sun.

"I have a proposition for you," he said.

"Oh?" you asked.

"I want you to come back, do your old job," he said.

"I left," you replied.

"Oh, I know you did but that wasn't under my watch, I never would let that happen," he stated and you sighed.

"I'm honestly happy where I am right now," you said.

"In the middle of the devil's asshole with Barnes?" he asked, nearly scoffing at the idea.

"Yeah, exactly there," you agreed, and he laughed.

"Twice as much money and the head of the department," he said.

"I don't think you understand," you said.

"Oh, I understand, you're in love and everything is perfect but that's only going to last so long," he said.

"What does that mean?" you asked indignantly.

"James Buchanan Barnes is a soldier, Elise, he is a well-trained operative and that can't stay quiet for long, someone will find him and attempt to use them for their own financial gain," he pointed out.

"Shuri took care of that," you argued, and he laughed.

"She thinks she did, that shit goes deep," he said, and you sighed. Bucky was wiping his forehead as he walked towards you, sledgehammer in hand and Wolf at his heels.

"So, then you want him, not me," you said.

"In a manner of speaking," he said, and Bucky poured himself water from the jug, looking at you.

"And if I say no?" you asked, Bucky looked over his shoulder hearing a sound and you looked as well. A chopper started descending from the sky to land in the yard and Wolf started barking.

"Then I just wasted a lot of SHIELD money sending an empty helicopter to you," he said. "You can either stay where you are and count down the days to when they'll find Bucky or you can come back to work and know that you're both protected your choice," he said and hung up. You pulled the phone from your ear and stared at it.

"Fury?" Bucky asked and you nodded, looking at the helicopter that was shutting off its engines.

"He wants me to come back to work for SHIELD and you to work for them too," you said, and he looked at the helicopter.

"What'd you tell him?" he asked looking back at you.

"Nothing," you said, and he nodded. "What do you think?" you asked, and he eyed you. "You already got a call from him," you said, and he shrugged. "When?" you asked.

"This morning," he answered.

"Why didn't you tell me?" you asked.

"I told him if he convinced you, I'd go," he said and you looked back to the helicopter.

"What about your dream?" you asked.

"You're not happy here," he said.

"Yes I am," you argued and he smiled, drinking his water.

"No, you're not," he disagreed. "You belong helping people and you're not doing that here," he said. "It's up to you, Elise, I go where you go," he assured and went back in the house, you stared at the waiting helicopter. You sighed and got up, following Bucky.

"I just can't believe you got a call from Fury and you didn't tell me," you said and he took his pants off, you stared at his naked form. He removed his prosthetic arm, laying it on the bed.

"I knew he was going to call you," he said and entered the shower, you watched as he slicked his hair back under the shower. You opened the shower door and he looked at you. "What," he said and you slammed the door shut again, walking out. You started throwing stuff in a bag as he showered and zipped it up as he walked out. "So we're going," he said.

"I'm going," you said as you walked down the stairs.

"What?" he said following you down and you opened the front door.

"I'm going, you're staying," you said and slammed the door shut, walking out to the helicopter. He came out in a towel and jacket.

"Elise!" he shouted.

"Watch Wolf for me!" you shouted over your shoulder and got in the helicopter, buckling as the engine started again. You looked out the door and saw him staring at you as the copter rose higher. He was pissed and you knew it but there was nothing he could do at this point, he'd have to stay put. You weren't about to put him in harm's way and if Nick wanted you back, he'd take you without the package deal. Bucky had been through enough and deserved his peace.


	14. Bury Me & Lock Me In

You walked into HQ with your bag on your shoulder and a phone full of angry text messages from Bucky, Fury met you in the hall.

"Where's your better half?" he asked, looking out to the helicopter.

"He didn't come," You said, and Fury looked back at you. "So, you either want me or you don't," you said, and he smiled.

"Look at you, got quite the attitude since I've been gone," he remarked and turned, walking down the hall. You followed him and investigated Bruce's lab as you passed, he caught sight of you. He waved and you smiled, waving back. "So, you've got a lot of work ahead of you," He said as he led you into the elevator. "Your replacement wasn't cut out for the job," he said with a shaking of his head and you eyed him.

"He was top of his class," you stated, and he nodded.

"Oh, I know but clearly his class was bottom of the barrel," he said, and you sighed. "Did Barnes have a choice in not coming?" he asked, and you looked at him. "I didn't think so," he said with a smile. "You just left he poor guy, didn't you?" he asked.

"I'm going back this weekend," you said with a shrug as the doors opened you followed him out.

\-----

You entered your old apartment late that night, there had been a lot to catch up with and you spent a good portion of your day going through notes. You dropped your bag on the floor and fell into the couch, admiring how confident Nick was in your return. So much so he had everything brought back to your apartment. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and unlocked it. There were at least seven angry messages from Bucky, demanding you come back or send a chopper for him.

Then there were the missed phone calls and you sighed; you should've known he would be upset. But if you had waited, given him the choice, he would have returned and be put in the same situations as before. You called him, he wouldn't be sleeping, you knew him too well.

"What the hell took you so long," he growled when he picked up.

"Hello to you too," you responded.

"No, answer me," he commanded, and you sighed.

"I was busy with work, there's a lot to catch up with," You explained.

"I go where you go, Elise," he demanded, and you rolled your eyes.

"No, I'm not bringing you back here so you can be put right back in the line of danger," you said.

"That wasn't your choice," he said.

"I made it my choice," You challenged.

"Send the chopper back," he commanded.

"No," you said.

"Elise," he said a warning tone in his voice.

"No," you repeated.

"Yes," he argued.

"No," you said.

"Send the fucking chopper back!" he yelled through the phone and you pulled it away from your ear.

"There is no way I am sending the chopper back, I will be home this weekend," you said and hung up, tossing your phone to the side. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back; the weekend was not something to be looked forward to right now.

\------

You had arrived on a Wednesday and by Friday, you were halfway through the work. Fury lent you the chopper and you got on, flying back home. It landed in your front yard at dusk, you quickly spotted Bucky seated on the front porch with a beer in hand and looking murderous.

"You sure you want me to drop you off?" the driver asked, and you smiled at him, getting out.

"Honey, I'm home," you announced as the chopper rose off the ground, and Bucky continued to stare at you. "Oh, come on now, you can't be that mad at me," you said, and he stood up, walking off. You gazed at him as he wandered towards the nearly finished fence and you sighed, greeting Wolf whose tail wagged. "Sorry I left you with such a crank," you said and went into the house. You threw your bag on the floor and looked around, happy to be home. You rummaged in the fridge, finding slim pickings but grabbed a cheese stick, heading upstairs. You showered, changed, and were in bed with Bucky never coming in. He was mad at you and you knew better than to run after him, he had to fume.

You woke the next morning to an empty bed and sighed, getting up. You put your robe and slippers on, heading downstairs. You made your coffee and started looking for him. You opened the front door and looked down. He was in the chair, feet up on the other chair and asleep, beer bottles on the ground. You pushed his feet off the chair, and he started awake, wincing in the bright sunlight.

"Enough," you said and sat down across from him.

"Enough what," he muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"Enough sulking, talk to me," You demanded.

"About what?" he asked. "You left me," He said.

"I didn't leave you, Bucky, I protected you," you argued, and he scoffed.

"I don't need your protection," he muttered, and you rolled your eyes.

"Bucky, it’s not like I left and never came back," you said, he looked at you recognizing the jab at him.

"I came back," he said, and you sighed, you knew the blame game was pointless. Plus, he hadn't meant to leave you.

"I'm sorry you're mad at me, I'm sorry I made you feel like you didn't have a choice but I really wanted you to be able to enjoy this place, to not worry about people chasing you," you said and he studied you.

"I can decide that I don't need you to," He stated.

"You're right," you aid nodding. "They're sending the chopper back on Monday and if you want to come, come," you said sitting back.

"You took the job," He said, and you nodded. "Then I'm coming back," he stated, and you nodded.

"Fine," you said, and he stared at you, leaning forward.

"There's something else you're not telling me," he said, and you held his gaze.

"Nope," you disagreed.

"Like hell, I'd bet my life I can read your thoughts," he said, and you sighed, looking at Wolf. He was right, you could pretend to masquerade your emotions, but he'd read them every single time.

"I'm pregnant," you said and looked back at him, he stared at you open-mouthed.

"You're what," he said.

"Pregnant," you repeated. "It’s why I wanted to go back to work, to make money so we're comfortable and why I didn't want you to go back," you explained.

"No," he said, and you stared at him.

"Yeah," you pushed, and he stood, walking a few steps from you as he ran a hand through his hair.

"No, you can't be pregnant because I can't even take care of myself, how the hell am I going to take care of a kid?" he demanded, and you smiled.

"You will be fine," you assured standing and walking over to him. You held his face in your hands and kissed him. "You're going to be the best dad around," you promised.

"Elise, I can't, I'm going to fuck it up," he muttered, and you kissed him again.

"You won't," you promised and leaned your forehead against his. "I promise," you assured, and he looked down.

"How long have you known?" he asked, and you shrugged.

"Three weeks," you said.

"And you didn't even say anything?" he questioned, and you smiled pulling away.

"I wanted to be sure, plus I was a little scared on how you'd react," you explained. He stared at you then your stomach and you picked up his hand, pressing it against your abdomen. "You're going to be a dad, Buck," you said, and he stared at it for a long time. He pulled his hand away and walked off, you watched him. He needed space, he had to think it all through, and hopefully he'd come around to the idea of being a dad, there wasn't much else you could do at that point.

\------

It was another afternoon of him not talking to you and you ate lunch by yourself, starting a knitting project. At dinner, he came in and you looked up. He stared at you and you stared back at him.

"I'm not going to be perfect," he said.

"No one is," you replied, putting the knitting needles down.

"I don't know how good I'm going to be," he said, and you smiled.

"All you need to be is you," you answered.

"I'm scared," he said, and you pushed the knitting material out of your lap, standing. This was a real emotion that he was sharing with you and you wanted to address it. You kissed him tenderly and hugged him.

"I know, me too," you promised and pulled back. "So, you'll stay?" you asked.

"Where you go, I go," he said and you smiled, kissing him again. The road would be bumpy, and he probably wouldn't be a lot of people's candidate for father of the year, but he was yours, you couldn't wait to raise the child with him. He kissed you passionately as he backed you against the front door and pulled your legs up around his waist. His lips trailed down your neck, his teeth nipped at your skin and your fingers dug into his shoulders. "I want you," he whispered and you smiled.

"I'm yours," you promised again and he growled, carrying you upstairs.

You laid in bed beside him later, he played with your hair and you listened to his heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," you said.

"For what?" he asked.

"Not telling you," you said and he kissed the top of your head.

"I get it," he promised. "It's just hard to believe," he said and you kissed his chest.

"I know, I keep trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have a little life growing inside me," you murmured.

"I bet," he agreed and you both fell silent. You started wondering if the baby would have Bucky's blue eyes or your brown ones, all the different traits that would go to the child.

"You won't leave when it gets hard, will you?" you asked, his constant need to walk away concerned you and you looked up at him.

"Nothing can make me leave your side," he vowed and you smiled, nestling into him. He kissed your head and wrapped an arm around you. "Nothing," he repeated and you smiled again. You closed your eyes and let yourself fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.


	15. Keeping It In the Dark

Monday came as did the helicopter and you got on alongside Bucky, Katie had agreed to watch Wolf for you for the week. You landed at the headquarters and got out, with Bucky behind you.

You both entered headquarters and Fury was quick on your heels.

"Barnes! She let you out!" he called, and you sighed, he loved to rile Bucky up. Bucky gave a tight smile, turning and you stopped as well.

"Nick," you urged, and he sighed, clasping his hands behind his back.

"I'm glad you decided to return," he said, and Bucky nodded. "I'm assuming you worked out whatever domestic issues you had between you and aren't bringing it into the workplace?" he asked.

"I'm a therapist, Nick, of course, we did," you said, and he smiled.

"Good because I don't have time to deal with all that shit," he said. "Bucky, you come with me, your wife has plenty of stuff to do," he said.

"We're not married," You interrupted, and Nick shrugged, leading Bucky away. You watched him for a few minutes, secretly wishing he were back in Montana with Wolf and then you headed off to your office.

At lunchtime, you were in the cafeteria eating your hoard of food when he came in and sat down.

"Hi," he said, and you leaned in, kissing him.

"Hi," you replied, and he looked at your plate.

"Did you leave any?" he asked, looking over at the kitchen and you smacked his shoulder, he smiled.

"Wow, Barnes can smile, who knew," Sam said coming over and Bucky looked up at him with a glare, Sam smiled.

"Hi Sam," you said, and he leaned down, kissing your cheek.

"Hi Elise, you look pretty today," he commented and then laughed seeing the way Bucky eyed him. "We have a session today, right?" he asked, and you nodded.

"We do, after lunch," You said, and he smiled.

"Looking forward to it," he said and laughed as he walked away, catching sight of Bucky's expression.

"He does it to get to you," you reminded, and Bucky nodded his jaw flexing. "I have to say, I kind of missed you in uniform," you said, admiring his tight uniform and he rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, if you didn't get me pregnant already, we'd be going at it now," you said quietly and he grinned, ducking his head.

"Stop," he said under his breath and you smiled.

"Never," you replied and kissed his temple as you stood with your empty plate, walking to the trash where you emptied it. You glanced over your shoulder at him and he was staring at you with a smile.

Your session with Sam was good, you helped him work through some things you had been working on for a few weeks and he left with lighter shoulders. You were in your office, finishing notes when a knock came on the door and you called for them to enter. Bucky entered and you stood, going around the desk with a smile on your face. He rushed to you, grabbing you and pressing his lips against yours.

"I need you," he murmured, and you kissed him back.

"Then take me," you said, and he smiled, locking the door. He had you bent over your desk, fucking you like he hadn't seen you in years and a knock came on the door. "Shit," you growled, and he looked over his shoulder, still fucking you. "Who is it!" you called out.

"Fury!" he yelled, and you groaned, resting your head on the desk.

"Motherfucker," Bucky grunted and pulled out of you, tucking himself back in. He fell into a seat and you pulled your skirt down. You unlocked the door and opened it.

"Yes?" you asked.

"Can I come in?" he inquired, looking like that should have been the obvious thing. You sighed and stepped back, letting him in. He looked at Bucky and then you.

"Oh Jesus," he muttered, and you sat behind your desk.

"We were having a session," you said.

"I'm sure you were but I'd prefer it if you could have those outside the workplace," he said and looked around like the room was littered in germs now. "We have a new team of recruits coming in and I'd like you to screen them personally," he said looking at you and you nodded.

"Of course," you agreed, crossing your arms.

"So, I need you here at 7am," he said and looked at Barnes. "As long as that doesn't interrupt your session, " he said, and Bucky averted his eyes.

"It will be fine," You said, and Fury nodded then left the room with a long look at the pair of you.

You stared at the closed door and then looked to Bucky.

"Is it wrong that I'm even more turned on now?" he asked, and you laughed, he smiled.


	16. Chapter 16

You had been in screening sessions all morning since 7 am, there were many valid candidates but there were also a lot of wannabes. You were in charge of weeding them out and passing your notes on to Fury. At 10 am you finished, collected your notes, and headed out to deliver them personally to him. As you walked down the hall, you turned your head to look at a conference room and your eyes fell on Bucky leaned against the table, one of the candidates you had just screen was talking to him. She was rather close and you watched her hand as it reached out, stroking his metal arm. Bucky looked up at the girl and then his eyes went past her to you, his eyes locked onto yours. You looked away, you weren't going to make a fool of yourself in front of anyone and you continued to Fury's office. You knocked on the door and he called for you to enter, you pushed through the door.

"Here are the reviews," You said, handing him several folders and he took them. "Oh, wait," you said and grabbed one in the middle back. You opened it, a picture of the girl you just saw flirting with Bucky there and you wrote a note on it, handing it back. "Is that all?" you asked and he nodded. You turned, leaving the office and headed back down the hall, passing the room again.

"Elise," Bucky's voice came as he burst out of the conference room but you kept walking. "Elise, let me explain," He said and you shrugged.

"Your prerogatives," you replied, you weren't going to make a scene.

"Let me just explain," he said, grabbing hold of your elbow and you looked at his hand then at his eyes, he dropped it. "She was coming on to me," he said and you smiled.

"I'm sure she was," you replied and entered your office, shutting the door. There wasn't much to get upset about, he clearly had been uncomfortable with the interaction and it was the girl who tried to make the move. You sat down at your desk and looked up as the door opened.

"Elise," he began and you sighed, looking down at the paperwork on your desk.

"Bucky, trust me, you don't need to apologize," you assured and he leaned on the desk.

"Then why won't you look at me," He said and you sighed again, folding your hands as your eyes met his.

"I'm looking at you and I'm still saying you do not need to apologize," you repeated and he studied you. "She came on to you, you were doing nothing wrong and the matter's been handled," you said with a shrug and returning your attention to the paperwork.

"Handled? What did you do?" he asked and you smiled.

"I handled it, you have your muscles, I have my pen," you said, wiggling your pen in the air, and Bucky looked over his shoulder down the hall. You followed his gaze and saw Fury talking to the girl, it was clear she had been dismissed.

"Elise, she was top of her class," he said, looking back at you and you looked up at him.

"Don't you know a lot about her for nothing happening," you remarked and he growled.

"I reviewed their files, I watched their tryouts, she was better than any of the other girls," he said. "Oh, I'm sure she was," you said standing and guiding him out of the office. "I have a session I have to get ready for, I'll see you at lunch," you offered and shut the door before he could continue.

You sat back down at your desk and pulled Thor's file, your next session.

\---------

\---------

You walked down to the cafeteria at lunch, choosing your meal and sitting at a table against the wall, opening a file. You were determined not to work late today and would work through lunch if it helped.

"I think you should reconsider," a voice said and you looked up. The girl stared down at you, her long blonde hair hanging over her voluptuous bust and you smiled, closing the file.

"I'm sure you do, unfortunately, it's my decision and I don't change them even with intimidation," you stated continuing to eat.

"Look, I don't know what you have against me but you know as well as I do that I was top of the class," she said, sliding in the booth across from you and you sighed.

"Perhaps but you just didn't have the character we need at SHIELD," you said and she looked at you confused.

"Character?" she questioned.

"I'm a bit worried if you don't even understand what character is," you said, looking at your food.

"No I know what character is but I don't know what you mean, what did I do to make you think I don't have a qualified character?" she asked and you looked up at her, then Bucky caught your gaze as he was standing there awkwardly with his tray of food a few feet back.

"Flirting with your superiors? That's a clear sign you'll use your sex to progress in SHIELD," you said and she looked over her shoulder, seeing Bucky who quickly sat at another table.

"Him?" she asked and you nodded. "God no, I would never flirt with him," she said scrunching her nose.

"Low character and a liar? You should be working for the CIA," you said and she groaned.

"Look, I was in the conference room trying to collect myself because I've been a barrel of nerves since this morning over my try out, he walked in and started talking to me," she said and you studied her. "I was asking about his metal arm because well, I've seen the news," she said with a meek shrug and you looked across the booths to Bucky whose eyes were on you.

"And?" you asked, your eyes snapping back to her.

"And what? That was it," she said.

"He didn't make any advances on you?" you questioned.

"Even if he did, no thank you," she said.

"No, thank you? What's wrong with him?" you asked.

"What?" she asked, confused once again. "I mean, he's a traitor, isn't he?" she asked. "Plus that metal arm, it does nothing for me, I need a man who's 100% man, if you know what I mean," she said and you narrowed your eyes. Bucky's training suddenly came in handy and the girl was choking before Bucky pulled you off, she gasped for air. "What the hell!" she exclaimed and Bucky pulled you out of the cafeteria, into an empty room.

"Elise!" he exclaimed and you stared at him.

"What," you said.

"What are you doing, this isn't you," he growled, holding you against the wall with his body and you rolled your eyes.

"I was defending you," you spat and he shook his head.

"I don't need you to defend me," he argued.

"No but I'm going to," you said and you held his gaze stubbornly. He pressed his lips against yours and kissed you passionately. You felt his hand hooking under your thigh, pulling you up around his waist.

"I gotta admit though, it was pretty hot," he whispered into your neck and you smiled, tangling your fingers in his hair.

"Yeah?" you asked as he laid you back on the table and he nodded, hanging over you.

"Fuck yeah," he grunted and you smiled.

"I'm going to be in a lot of trouble," you whispered and he smiled.

"That's even sexier," he murmured and you laughed.

\------

You sat across from Nick Fury in his office, him staring at you and you staring at him.

"What the hell were you thinking!" he finally exclaimed and you shrugged.

"She insulted Barnes," you explained and he leaned on his desk.

"So?" he asked incredulously. "You're a fucking therapist, not an agent! Where the hell did you even learn those moves?" he demanded and you smiled.

"Bucky," You said and he rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"What am I supposed to do now? I have to let her in whether she deserves it or not or we'll be sued," he said and you sighed.

"You're just lucky she was top of the class," you remarked and he opened the folder.

"Top of her class? You told me she was bottom of the barrel scrapings," he read and you smiled, you forgot the exact wording.

"Yeah I did but that was because I thought she was making a move on Barnes," you said and Fury stared at you, he closed the folder.

"You need to get your head straight, Elise," he said. "I don't know what happened and I don't know what Barnes has done to you but you need to sort this shit out or you'll be back in the middle of Montana," he said and you sighed.

"I believe there's something I should disclose at this point," you said.

"If it's that you and Barnes have been hooking up in your office, the whole building already knows that," he said waving his hand in dismissal and you grimaced.

"No, no," you said shaking your head. "I'm pregnant," you said and his eyes snapped on you.

"With Winter Soldier's kid?" he asked and you nodded. "Well fuck me," he said and sighed, staring at the wall for a moment. "Well, that explains your reaction," he said and shook his head. "Look, try to get it all figured out, alright? I can't keep admitting people because you've lost it on them," he said and you nodded, getting up. "Elise," he said and you looked back. "Congratulations," he said and you smiled.

"Thank you, Fury, maybe we'll make you the godfather," you offered and he let out a loud laugh.

"That will be the day," he said and you smiled, closing the door. Bucky shot out of his seat as you exited and you smiled.

"It's fine," you assured. "I promise," you said kissing him. "I'm going to get back to work, you should too," you said and returned to your office, sitting back down. Fury was right, you had to reign yourself in and figure out how to work with Bucky in the same building otherwise you'd both be out of a job.


	17. Leave Me Lonely

You held his hand; his palm was sweaty, and you knew he was nervous. This was the first step of a long process and he still wasn't sure what his purpose on it was except DNA donor. He opened the door for you, and you smiled as you passed by, entering.

"Hi, we have a 2 o'clock for Marquis?" you asked, leaning on the receptionist's desk and the woman smiled.

"Of course, let's see," she murmured typing into the computer and nodded. "Perfect, if you would just take a seat," she said and you saw her eyes linger on Bucky, you grabbed his hand to bring him to the seating area. You sat down with him and took a magazine from the table.

"I think you're more nervous than me," you said, and he shrugged.

"Yeah well when you were sure you weren't coming back from war, you get a bit awkward with this sort of stuff," he said and you smiled, patting his leg. The door opened five minutes later, and a pretty nurse poked her head out.

"Ms. Marquis?" she asked looking at her clipboard and you tossed the magazine on the table, getting up to go in the office. Bucky followed close behind and she took your weight before bringing you in the room. She took your blood pressure and then told you the doctor would be in shortly. You looked over at Bucky who was staring at one of their posters and you laughed at his expression.

"Isn't it lovely?" You asked and Bucky glanced at you.

"Yeah," he said and sat down, putting his legs out. There was a knock on the door and it open, your doctor entered.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Marquis, how are we feeling?" He asked, checking over his chart before shaking your hand and you smiled.

"Great, this is the father, James," you introduced, and the doctor smiled at him, putting his hand out.

"Hello James, lovely to meet you," He said, and Bucky smiled, shaking his hand. The doctor went through the program of information, checking you over and then put the fetal doppler monitor on your stomach, finding the baby. You looked at Bucky as the baby's heartbeat echoed and you saw him staring in wonder at your stomach. "Isn't it amazing?" the doctor said, noticing Bucky's expression as well. "The baby sounds perfectly healthy, I think you're doing great," he said, cleaning your stomach from the gel and you smiled.

"Awesome," you said.

You made your next few appointments and then left the office with Bucky in tow.

"So, what do you think, daddy?" you asked, clinging to his side and he wrapped an arm around you.

"I think I'm going to be a dad," he said, and you smiled, kissing his cheek before getting into your car. Bucky got into the passenger side and you headed home for the day.

\------

You had given Bucky's therapy to your replacement, who went through a more thorough training under your watch, as you could not be neutral any longer and the therapist started complaining that Bucky didn't trust him.

"Three years," you said from your desk and he looked at you.

"Three years what?" he asked.

"Three years is what it took me to get his trust so just be patient," you replied, and he sighed.

"But if you've made progress with him, why does he still hold back?" he asked.

"Have you read his file?" you asked.

"Some of it," he replied.

"All of it read all of it," you instructed, and the therapist sighed but left your office to do your command. There was another knock on the door, and you called for them to enter. Sam entered with his hands behind his back and you smiled. "What is this?" you asked, and he produced a bag, putting it on your desk.

"I heard the news," he said, and you smiled, unwrapping the gift. You started laughing and shook your head.

"Where on earth did you find this?" you demanded, and he grinned.

"Build-A-Bear," he said, and you laughed again, admiring the tiny Winter Soldier teddy bear. "Do you like it?" he asked.

"Very much," you replied, and he grinned. "Thank you, Sam," you said, getting up and hugging him, he returned the hug.

"Of course, you're brave enough to take that boy on, you deserve a gift," he said, and you smiled.

"He's a good guy," you assured and set the bear down on your desk by the vase of flowers that Bucky refilled every week.

"I'll take your word for it," he replied, and you smiled.

\------

Bucky dropped in the seat like he was exhausted, and you glanced up, his eyes were on the teddy bear.

"What the hell is this," he muttered, leaning forward and grabbing it off your desk.

"Sam gave me that," you said, and Bucky stared at it. "It's you, in bear form," you announced.

"I know who it's supposed to be but why?" he asked looking at you and you shrugged.

"He heard I was pregnant and was congratulating us," you said, and Bucky shook his head, staring at it. He tucked it back on your desk and leaned back. "So, what's going on with you? Seems like you've got something on your mind," You said.

"Just training," he said, and you nodded. "We still going back to Montana this weekend?" he asked.

"As far as I know," you answered, and he nodded. "You remember tonight, right?" you asked, and he sighed. "It’s a couple of hours," you said, and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he grumbled.

"Plus, I'm really anxious to see you in a suit," You said, and he groaned, his head falling back.

"God, why did I agree," he muttered.

"Because you love me," you said and he sighed, bringing his head back up to focus on you.

"That I do," he agreed, and you smiled.

\-------

You stood at the bar with your wine in hand and were admiring Bucky from afar. He had put on a suit for you, bowtie and all, his hair was nicely tied back. He looked devastatingly handsome and garnered quite a few looks from men and women alike.

"So, what's a pretty woman like you doing alone at the bar?" a voice came, and you looked over.

He was good looking, you couldn't deny that, but he wasn't Bucky, your eyes slid over to Bucky. His eyes were on you, fastened to you in fact and you saw the grip on his beer watching the guy talk to you.

"Ordering a drink, you?" you asked, and he smiled.

"Ordering a drink for you," he replied, and you laughed.

"Oh, come on, you've got to have better than that or do your good looks allow you to be lazy?" you asked, and he smiled.

"So, I'm good looking?" he asked, and you shrugged.

"Wouldn't put a bag over your head or anything," you said, and he laughed loudly.

"I like you," he stated and suddenly Bucky was between the pair of you, blocking you completely.

"Yeah well, she doesn't like you, why don't you fuck off?" he asked, and the guy looked at him.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked, and Bucky smiled.

"Her boyfriend," he said, and the guy backed up.

"Well I didn't know, did I?" he asked and then looked over Bucky's shoulder at you. "If you get sick of this clown, feel more then free to find me," he offered, and you smiled. Bucky watched him walk away and then turned on you.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"What do you mean? He talked to me, am I not allowed to talk to people now?" you questioned, and he rolled his eyes in aggravation.

"You know why he was talking to you," he pushed, and you sighed.

"Bucky, it's the same reason the girls talk to you, but I don't get upset every time, do I?" you asked. There were plenty of women that loved a broken soldier and had dreams of fixing them, they'd crowd Bucky.

"That's not the same," he argued.

"No? Why's that?" you asked, and his blue eyes held yours for a moment. "Oh, because I'm a woman and I'm helpless?" you asked, it was often his argument when you refused to carry a gun, that you weren't protecting yourself.

"No, I didn't say that," he growled.

"You didn't have to," you returned, and he grabbed your arm as you turned to leave.

"Elise, I didn't say that," he said determined and you looked at him. "I don't like it because well, look at me and then look at him," He said, and you stared at Bucky.

"Are you serious?" you asked in disbelief and he nodded. "James Barnes, I am carrying your child, what more do I have to do to show you I absolutely love you?" you asked, turning back to him and he dropped his hand from your arm. "I moved to Montana because I couldn't be here when you weren't, some dressed up peacock isn't going to steal me away," you dismissed.

"Yeah?" he asked, and you sighed, shaking your head.

"You're an idiot sometimes," you muttered, and he reached out, tucking your hair behind your ear.

"Only when it comes to you," he replied and you kissed him, he held you there. "How much longer?" he asked, and you smiled, it was clear why he wanted to know. You leaned against him and kissed his ear.

"Don't worry, when we leave, I will make sure you know how much I love you," you whispered and bit his earlobe, he groaned quietly.

"Fuck," he muttered as you walked away, and he looked around the room feeling like everyone was looking at him.


	18. Strange Love

It was late at night, you were settled in bed convinced you were going to stay awake until he came home but you had dozed off, the book falling on your chest. Bucky had been on a mission and there was no known time that he would be back. You woke up to a pressure on your chest and your eyes fluttered open, focusing on him laying over you.

"I love that you're home but you're going to crush me," you muttered and he smiled, kissing you before he got off. He rolled on his back beside you and you looked at him. "Did you just get in?" you asked, noticing the dirt on his face and the fact that he was still in his uniform, he nodded. "Go take a shower please, I don't need that shit on the sheets," you said, pushing him and he sighed, rolling off the bed.

"I was expecting a little more appreciation when I got home," he muttered as he moved into the bathroom and you couldn't help but smile.

"Well maybe when you're a little cleaner I will!" you called after him and the door slammed, you grinned. He was fun to tease and his sour attitude made it even better. A half-hour later he came in with a towel around his waist and he looked at you.

"Better for your majesty?" he asked and you gazed at him.

"No," you said.

"I'm literally cleaner than I used to be, before you," He grunted and you nodded.

"That's true but you have a towel on, that's a big no-no," you said and he laughed, shaking his head.

He undid the towel, letting it drop to the floor, and looked at you again.

"Better?" he asked and you nodded.

"Much, come here," you said and he sighed, crawling into bed on his knees. He laid back and you straddled him, kissing his entire face repeatedly.

"Elise, I can't breathe," he said and you smiled, kissing down his chest.

"Better?" you asked and he sighed heavily as your mouth wrapped around his cock.

"Still can't breathe," he answered and you smiled to yourself.

\--------

You took Bucky out the next day, he deserved a day of rest and you wanted to show him more of the city. He tended to be an introvert, assuming he'd be recognized and ridiculed. You dressed him in low key jeans, a grey sweater, and a baseball cap while he argued the entire time that he could dress. You changed into a flowing dress and saw his admiring eyes on you more than once, you quickly put your sandals on knowing if you lingered you wouldn't make it out of the apartment.

You took him on the subway, he was extremely agitated there with the mass of people crushed into a tiny tin box as he said and you held his hand the entire ride, pulling him up when the stop came. You took him to The Museum of Sex, you wanted to see his reaction and as you walked through with him, you'd glance over at him every so often. He was fascinated but slightly embarrassed by it. You entered a new exhibit called SuperFunland and nearly burst out laughing when you saw what was inside, you quickly looked at Bucky.

"Are you trying to get pregnant again?" he whispered, coming up behind you and squeezing your hand.

"I don't think that's possible," you answered and he kissed your temple as his body pressed against yours.

"I'd make it possible," he grunted and you smiled, pulling him along. You sat beside him watching a woman dance on a stripper pole, glancing at him every so often. You realized quickly you should have saved this for the end of the day because you were never going to make it to another museum. You moved on to the STAG: The Illicit Origins of Pornographic Film and gazed at the photos from the past, stopping in the era he was from.

"So is this the type of stuff you looked at while you were away at war?" you asked and he smiled, shrugging. He was still clinging to your hand and you felt him tighten his grip the more erotica you observed. You wandered off from him at some point and were staring at one of the photos.

"I need you," he whispered in your ear and you smiled, feeling his body against yours.

"I'm yours," you replied and he growled, taking your hand. You followed him out of the building, he weaved his way through the streets and you attempted to figure out where you were. "Do you know where we are?" you asked and he nodded without looking back at you. You saw the apartment building and he dragged you through the lobby, slamming his hand onto the button. He stepped back, watching as the elevator descended and shook his head, grabbing your hand again.

"Too slow," he muttered, pushing open the door for the stairs and dragged you up them.

"Bucky, wait, Jesus, I am pregnant," you grunted, pulling your hand out of his and trying to catch your breath. He turned, looking at you and sighed, jogging down the steps to you. He carefully lifted you in his arms and ran up the rest of the stairs with you. "Christ man," you muttered, wrapping an arm around his neck and reaching the floor, he set you down just as gently. He pulled you down the hall, unlocking the door and tugging you in, slamming you against the door as it closed. His lips crushed on yours and his hand explored your body. "Calm down, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere," you whispered and he bit your bottom lip as he kissed you. "Ow!" you exclaimed.

"I need you to shut up and let me have my way," he demanded and you sighed, there was no arguing with him when he was like that. He brought you into the bedroom, sitting you up on your knees, flipping your dress over your hips. You heard his belt buckle unclasp, clinking as he undid his zipper pulling the jeans down with his boxer briefs and then he lined himself up, slamming into you. He did it again and again as you whined, begging him for it harder. He reached down and wrapped his hand around your neck as he fucked you. He kissed your back and slammed into you one last time before resting his cheek on your back. He pulled out and you fell on your back, trying to breathe. "That was the wrong place to take me," he muttered and you looked at him lying beside you.

"I thought you'd have more control," you said and he snorted, shaking his head.

"Fuck no," he muttered and rubbed his eyes. "You're only getting prettier the more pregnant you are," he said and looked over at you, resting a hand on your growing bump. "These are getting bigger," he said, squeezing your breasts and admired your curves. "You have more curves," he said and made a happy humming sound. "I don't know how you're going to make it through this pregnancy without me on you all the time," he said and you rolled your eyes. You rolled on your side, draping a leg over him and stroking his hair.

"I think I'll survive," you said, kissing him and he held your lips on his.

"I'm a super soldier, good luck," he teased and you laughed, resting your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around you, tickling your side and you closed your eyes, enjoying the peace.

\-------

Bucky had gone out to get you snacks, you had told him you didn't mind ordering them but he said you shouldn't have to wait that long when he could just walk down to the store. He left you with a kiss and a promise to be gone only a few minutes. Your phone went off as you were lying in bed, reading a book and you glanced at the screen, Bucky's face. You smiled and picked it up.

"Hello handsome, get lost?" you asked.

"I need you to talk to me," he said and you sat up on your elbows.

"Bucky, what's going on?" you asked.

"I just need you to talk to me," he repeated and you sighed. You began to talk about the baby, the plans you had for your little family and the maternity time you'd have off, how you could have a home-cooked meal for him every night. "I'm at the apartment building, thank you," he said and hung up, you looked to your phone then tossed it on the bed. Soon enough he was opening the apartment door and you were seated on the couch, your robe on.

"What was that about?" you asked and he put the bag before you.

"I got overwhelmed," he said and you studied him. "I saw this group of people, I thought they recognized me and though they were judging me," he explained further and you sighed, he dropped in the couch beside you.

"We need to work on that, it's not good for you," you said.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he mumbled removing his hat and running a hand through his hair. "It's just difficult, they saw me on the television when I was him and they haven't seen me since," he said with a shrug.

"But maybe they were looking at you because you're so sexy," you offered, looking at him as you opened the Oreos and he rolled his eyes.

"No, I don't think that's what it was," he said, rubbing his eyes.

"I don't know, that's why I'd stare at you, wondering what lucky girl has that piece of ass in her bed," you said as you peeled apart the cookie and licked the cream in the center. He eyed you as you did it and then a smile broke out on his face, shaking his head.

"You're a horrible therapist," he said and you smiled.

"That's why I'm not your therapist, I'd be jumping your bones every session," you replied and he grinned, you could see the red creeping into his face. You offered him a fresh Oreo and he took it, taking a bite. He continued to smile while he chewed and staring at the table in front of him. It made your day when you could get him to smile like that.


	19. Chasing Cars

He laid awake most nights, the night terrors would keep him awake but he didn't want to tell you, you had enough on your plate. You were growing a human being, that surpassed his night terrors and he was content with that. He would watch you sleep, watch your stomach as it rose and fell, he tried to comprehend that in there was his child. He was going to be a dad and soon enough he would oversee protecting innocent life. He had for so long taken innocent lives that protecting one was a novelty to him and he kind of liked it.

By fall, your stomach was twice its size, and everything was sore, your feet, your back, everything. Bucky was growing into fatherhood quite nicely, he still seemed absolutely scared shitless, but he at least was talking about it now. Steve had walked him through a lot of it, he didn't know what it was like either, but he could understand the emotions, he compared them to going into battle. Bucky fastened on to that idea and it seemed to smooth everything over. You both struggled with the idea of finding out if it was a boy or girl before the birth, but you finally caved, bringing Bucky with you. The ultrasound quickly revealed you were having a girl and you looked at Bucky, concerned that he would balk at the idea. But his entire body language told you differently, his eyes were softened, he had this misty look in his eyes and a soft smile on his face.

"Are you okay that it's a girl?" you asked on the walk home, you had started walking to help with the weight gain and he nodded, his eyes always surveilling the streets as though you were being watched.

"Yeah," he agreed with a nod and you smiled. He wouldn't say more but at the same time, you knew he was pleased.

You had Steve as well as Sam over for dinner one night, Bucky had wanted to tell them you were expecting a girl and you had cooked up a delicious meal. You were sat around the table, Bucky to your right and Steve to your left, Sam on the other side of the table.

"So, the reason we invited you over-" you began.

"There's a reason? I thought we were friends," Sam interjected and you smiled.

"We are, we are but there is a reason," You said, and Sam smiled. "Bucky and I wanted to tell you that we found out what we're having the other day and it's a girl," You said, taking Bucky's hand and he smiled at you. Sam laughed and you looked at him.

"No disrespect meant but it's just amusing imagining the Winter Soldier with a daughter, isn't it?" he asked, nudging Steve and Steve smiled, shrugging.

"I gotta admit, it kinda is but at the same time I'm really happy for you guys," he said, and Bucky smiled at him.

"Trust me, I thought the same thing, Sam," you said, and Sam smiled at you. "But Bucky was happy from the very start when he found out it was girl, he almost looked relieved," you murmured, looking at Bucky who smiled.

"I was," he admitted, and you laughed. "I need someone to take care of me if you go first," he said leaning back in his seat and you laughed.

"Well that's lovely," you said, and he kissed your knuckles.

"Honestly, I don't think Bucky's been happier than when you've been in his life, Elise," Steve commented and you smiled.

"Well he's done the same for me," you said, feeling Bucky's grip in your hand tighten.

\-------

In between work weeks, when you would fly back to Montana, you started designing the nursery. You went for pinks and greys, keeping it calming. Bucky painted the room for you and did whatever else you required of him without complaining. You would sit back and admire him as he did the work. By afternoon he would get warm, removing his shirt and you watched as he got more done with one arm then many got done with two, he was amazing to you.

At last, the final month of your pregnancy rolled around, and you had stopped commuting to New York for work, you wanted to be in Montana for the birth. You continued setting up for the baby and preparing yourself by reading books, as well as knitting blankets. Bucky would be taking off work for a month to spend time with the baby and you.

It was his final day; you were anxiously awaiting him to arrive and finishing the blanket. You heard a car in the driveway, and you looked up, a smile on your face: he was here. A door slammed and the car drove off, you heard footsteps over the dirt drive. You put the knitting aside and stood, Wolf, started barking. The door swung open and he stood there in the doorway, stopped as he looked at you. You closed the distance between you, and he wrapped an arm around you, you kissed.

"You're home," you whispered and held him tight. Flights were always stressful for him, especially alone but he had been determined to do it, for you.

"I'm home," he murmured into your neck and you inhaled his familiar scent, immersing yourself in his familiar grip.

You were lying beside him in bed later, tracing over his bare chest and he was staring up at the ceiling.

"Are you ready for this?" you asked.

"No," He admitted, and you laughed.

"Neither am I," you sighed, and he smiled, kissing the top of your head. "But I'm so excited," you said, and he nodded in agreement. "Can you believe in a few days you're going to be a dad?" you asked looking up at him.

"No," he said again, and you smiled. "I don't think it will really sink in until they're in my arms," he said, and you smiled.

"Valid," you agreed.

======

You had hired a midwife; you need someone to be with you because you had a feeling Bucky would start panicking. You were right. The moment you went into labor, though he tried, he was panicked, and you told him to call the midwife, that she was only twenty minutes away. He did and you were amazed the midwife understood what he was trying to tell her, you grabbed the phone. "I'm in labor, contractions are about eight minutes apart," you said.

"I'm on my way," she said. "Is he doing alright?" she asked. She had met Bucky and had quickly put aside any idea about him, finding him to be the sweet guy Elise knew him to be.

"Well, he's still talking so that's positive," you said, eyeing Bucky who was staring at you. "But when it really starts, I don't know what's going to happen," you warned.

"All right, I'm on my way," she said and hung up, you tossed your phone to the bedside table.

"Bucky," you said, and he looked up at your face, he had been staring at your stomach. "Call Steve," you instructed, and he nodded, grabbing his phone. You reached out and he handed you the phone.

"Hello?" Steve's voice asked.

"Hi Steve, it's Elise, I'm in labor and need you to talk to Bucky," you said.

"Got it," he said, and you handed the phone over to Bucky. You watched Bucky as Steve talked to him, he nodded as Steve spoke and nodded again. You saw his shoulders lower, his whole stance changed and you smiled, Steve was a godsend when it came to Bucky.

Four hours later, after a lot of calming words from the midwife to both Bucky and you, you gave birth to your daughter. You looked to Bucky when you heard the cries and you saw his entire expression lighten.

"Congratulations you two! You have a beautiful and extremely healthy little girl!" she exclaimed and laid the baby on your chest. You stared at the little life screaming in resistance to the outside world and she slowly calmed feeling your warmth, hearing your heartbeat.

"Bucky, Bucky," you said, reaching out for him as you noticed he looked slightly panicked and he grabbed your hand, you pulled him closer. "She's here," you whispered, and he nodded, staring at her.

"Let me get her cleaned up and then we can swaddle her," she said, taking her and you watched as the midwife lovingly laid her on the chest of drawers, beginning to clean her. You saw Bucky change immediately, his eyes were zoned on the midwife and you realized he was assessing the danger, you couldn't help but smile. Already he was protecting the little girl he would protect for the rest of his life.


	20. Exhale

You named your daughter Georgina Winnifred Barnes, honoring Bucky's parents. She was the calmest of baby's, happy to be cuddled and healthy, having no issues latching on for feedings. You would often be in the middle of a feeding, Bucky would enter the room and just stand there, a smile on his face as he watched.

"I'm starting to think you're getting perverse pleasure from this," you said and he laughed, shaking his head.

"No, I just never thought I'd have the chance to be here," he said and sat on the bed, stroking George's head softly. "My daughter and my beautiful love," he said, kissing your lips and you smiled.

"I'm happy you are," you replied and he smiled at you. "Is Steve coming out?" you asked and he nodded.

"He said he'll be here this weekend," he replied and you smiled.

"Good," you said, you knew Bucky was excited to show his daughter off to his best friend, and you happy to see Steve again. "I can't go back to work," you said and Bucky met your gaze.

"I know," He said, it had become over the few days Georgina had been in your life that you were meant for this and this is what you wanted most of all. "We'll make it work," he assured and looked back at his daughter.

"I think she'll have your eyes,' you mused and he smiled.

"Maybe," he said and you both stared at her in absolute adoration while she ate. Soon, she dropped off your nipple, asleep and Bucky carefully took her in his arms, laying her gently in the bassinet. "God, I'm so lucky," he said, standing over the bassinet shaking his head in amazement and you smiled.

"We are," you agreed, pushing the strap of your nightgown back up on your shoulder.

\------

Steve took the SHIELD helicopter out to your farm, it landed in your front yard some ways off from the house and Bucky walked out to the front porch, George in his arms. He smiled seeing Steve walking towards him as the helicopter took off and Steve's smile burst across his face.

"Never would have thought I'd see the day," He said as he reached Bucky and Bucky smiled, hugging him carefully. Steve looked down into the bundle of blankets and smiled. "She's beautiful, Buck," he said.

"Isn't she?" he asked and stroked her tiny cheek.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this happy either," he said, studying Bucky's expression and Bucky shook his head, still with a smile on his face.

"I don't think I ever have been," he agreed.

"Good luck to Fury getting you back to work," Steve commented and Bucky laughed, shrugging. "Is it a bad trade-off?" he asked.

"Not at all, man," he murmured.

\-------

You had stayed up late with Steve, Bucky had gone upstairs for feeding with George and let you continue your conversation with him.

"Where is he?" you asked an hour later and Steve shrugged.

"I don't know but I think I'm going to turn in," he said standing up after finishing his beer. "I'm really happy for you two," he said, smiling at you and you stood, hugging him.

"Thank you, Steve, for everything," you whispered and he embraced you.

"Of course, thank you for taking care of Bucky," he said and you laughed.

"Hasn't been easy but it's certainly been worth it," you said as you pulled back and Steve smiled. He wandered off to the kitchen to throw his beer away and you made your way upstairs. You stopped in the doorway of your room, Bucky was laid out on the bed and Georgina was nestled on his chest, you smiled. You took your phone out of the back pocket of your jeans and focused on it, taking a picture. He had been taken from you once and you prayed you would never have to deal with that again, not now. Now that you've had this moment, this experience, he had to be with you for the rest of your life. This was the moment you felt like you could finally exhale and relax as you crawled into bed beside him, careful to not disturb them. This was all too perfect.


	21. Wolf At Your Door

"Bucky, no," you said firmly, and he stared at you.

"Elise, I need to," he argued, and you shook your head.

"I won't let you," you stated, and he smiled.

"I know we just had George, but they need me," he said, and you looked at Steve.

"Why did you really come?" you asked.

"What?" he asked.

"Why did you really come? You said it was to see George, but I think it was because Fury sent you to bring him back," you said, and Steve shook his head.

"No, I promise, it was just to meet your baby but then Fury called," he said, and Bucky moved towards you, cupping your face in his hand. He pressed his lips against yours and stared into your eyes when he pulled away.

"I'll be back," he vowed.

"Bucky, please," you begged, and he kissed you again.

"Elise, I promise," he said and leaned his forehead against yours, you closed your eyes.

"I don't want to lose you again," you said, and he smiled, stroking your cheek.

"You won't," he swore.

"You can't promise me that," you reminded.

"No but I will do everything to be here with you again," he assured, and you pulled away from him.

"Fine, go," you said and left the kitchen, going upstairs. You sat on the bed and stared at the bassinet across the room where George slept soundly. It had only been a week after her birth and already Bucky was going on another mission. You didn't want him to go after he was lost to you once you feared every time, he left you and he had promised he would stay with you for at least a month. The creaking of the steps made you aware he was coming, and you looked the doorway as he entered, he leaned against it.

"Elise, I'm sorry," he said, and you shrugged.

"Sorry's don't bring you back," you said, and he sighed.

"This is who I am, Elise, this is what I do, and you know this," he said.

"But you promised me more time," you pointed out and he nodded, looking to the bassinet.

"I did and I would like nothing more than to give it to you, but I need to just do this, then I'm yours," he promised.

"You can't promise tomorrows," you said, and he walked across the room, sitting beside you.

"I can't but I can promise all the ones I have to you and I do, I promise you every single breath that leaves this old, shattered body is yours," he said and after a minute, you leaned in to kiss him. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't apologize," you murmured, leaning your head against his shoulder. "Just come home," you said, and he kissed the top of your head.

"I will do everything to make sure I do that," he said, and you smiled, closing your eyes. By tomorrow morning he would be gone, and you would be left with the endless nights of worry, fear that he was going to be taken.

\------

He hung above you, his hair falling around his face and he paced inside you, you rested your hands on his shoulders.

"I love you, Elise," he murmured, gazing into your eyes.

"I love you," you whispered, he leaned down and kissed you tenderly.

"I'm yours," he promised, kissing your collar bone.

"And I'm yours," you vowed. "I can't lose you again, Buck, I can't do it," you said, and he looked back up to you.

"I know," he agreed, and you pulled his lips to yours. "But whatever happens, I'm yours through it all," he said, and you smiled, kissing him once


	22. Chapter 22

Bucky left with Steve in the morning, you felt him kiss you and then the closing of the door. You pulled his pillow into you and buried your face into his scent, his lingering warmth. You sighed as George started crying and you got out of bed, picking her up gently. You smiled at her as you sat back in bed and began breastfeeding, admiring how beautiful she was. Her eyes were still light blue, and she had the lightest tuff of brown hair.

Two days passed with no contact from him and you tried your best not to worry, not to focus on the pain of loneliness. You continued knitting, tending to the small garden he had made for you, and slept with Wolf on the bed at night, a gun under your pillow.

On the third day, you heard the now familiar sound of the chopper blades outside, you blinked open your eyes and saw it was barely daybreak. You got up, putting on your oversized cardigan and slippers, running down the steps. You unlocked the front door and opened it, staring at the chopper landing. Once it settled on the ground, the door opened and Bucky ducked out, making his way quickly to you with a smile on his face. He had his bag strapped over his shoulder, still wearing his armor and you couldn't help the ridiculous smile across your lips. You saw Steve in the seat, he was smiling at the pair of you and closed the door, the chopper took off. Bucky reached you, wrapping his arms around your waist and you kissed him, hard.

"I need you," he whispered in your ear, holding you close, and you let go of a shudder of relief.

"I'm yours, always," you replied and you both stayed as you were, enjoying the embrace. He let you go with another kiss and you took his hand, leading him into the house. He dropped his bag on the floor and you led him upstairs, into your bedroom. Wolf was at your heels, but you closed the door after Bucky gave him a gentle pat. You took Bucky's face in your hands, gazing into his eyes, and then you searched his face for any injuries. You began circling him and he laughed.

"I'm fine, Elise," he promised, and you came around to face him, smiling.

"I have to check," you said, and he nodded, he pulled you close.

"I missed you," He murmured, and you kissed him.

"I missed you," you replied. You slowly undid his armor, unveiling his bruises and his cuts, things you would tend to lovingly. He tossed you onto the bed finally, impatient with your inspection and you yelped, he smiled leaning over you. You buried your fingers into his hair and pulled him down, kissing you again. You couldn't stop him if you wanted to at that point, he was needy and filled with desperation as his lips explored your body, his fingers exciting you. As he paced above you, his eyes stayed on yours and you smiled. "I love you," you said, and he kissed you.

"I love you," he whispered, and you pulled him down wrapping your arms around his neck. You felt tears perk at the corner of your eyes, you couldn't stand when he left and you didn't want him to leave again but you knew he would, knew he had to. It was worse because you never knew when.


	23. Chapter 23

The years passed, you became used to Bucky having to leave for a battle or other things. You continued to stay home with Georgina and watched as she grew into her father's looks and she was his shadow when he was home.

It was Georgina's third birthday, Bucky had promised to make it home for the party but he had not shown up yet. You, with help from Wanda, were handling the kids that had come and trying to keep a rein on things.

Wanda was doing a game with the little ones when the sound of chopper blades from out front and a smile lept to your face. You excused yourself and went into the house, Bucky was there hanging his backpack up.

"Hey, I'm sorry," he apologized and you kissed him.

"Don't worry about it, I'm glad you made it," you said and he smiled.

"I'm going to shower and then I'll be out?" He asked and you nodded, going back outside.

Twenty minutes later, he appeared in the backyard and you admired him for a moment. He had cut his hair recently, still had a bit on top though, and a smile on his face as he spoke with Sam. He seemed relaxed, calm, and happy to be exactly where he was. You watched as Georgina ran up to him with something in her hand and he crouched down, smiling at her. He had a smile he kept only for her and it was such a beautiful smile. His face quickly became animated with emotion and expression of excitement to share with her. She ran off again and he stood, smiling. His eyes moved to you and you smiled at him. He excused himself from Sam and walked over to you, resting a hand on your hip while he kissed you.

"You look beautiful," he murmured and you smiled.

"You look happy," you said and his smile broadened, he nodded.

"I am," he admitted and wrapped an arm around your waist, watching the excitement. "There's a lot of kids here," he commented and you laughed, nodding.

"She's a friendly girl," you replied and he smiled.

"Gets that from her mother," he stated and you laughed.

"I'm sorry but I have to agree," you said and he smiled, kissing you again.

You were very impressed by Bucky that afternoon, he was interactive with the kids, when one asked him what happened to his arm he made up a great story about how it happened and had them all giggling. A lot of appreciative and admiring looks were given to him from the other parents, which made you happy. He had struggled to become Bucky again in the eyes of himself and everyone else, it was nice to finally see it happening.

Mid-party, the doorbell rang and Bucky was quick to excuse himself to answer it, you watched him with worry. You were worried it was something to do with Fury or SHIELD, he had just got back. You became distracted with another mom who came up to compliment you on the party and Bucky. From around the corner of the house, Bucky appeared leading a beautiful pony and you stared at him. His eyes met yours with a smile and the kids cheered excitedly. Georgina ran up to him and he said something to her. He then proceeded to have every kid ride on the pony, patiently putting them on, convincing the nervous kids they would like it, and then when it was all done, he announced he had bought the pony for Georgina. Your eyebrows flew up in surprise, you weren't sure where he was planning on keeping the pony as you had no barn but you also trusted him to have thought of that.

Kate appeared, taking the reins from Bucky and he walked to you, kissing you again.

"Surprised?" he asked and you laughed.

"A little, where are we keeping this pony?" you asked.

"Kate's family has a farm, we'll board him there, Georgina can learn to ride," he said and you laughed, shaking your head as you gazed at him.

"There's never a dull moment with you, is there?" you asked and he smiled at you.

"I hope not," he responded before kissing you and moving back to the party, to an excited George who hugged him tightly around the legs. It was nice to see this side of Bucky for once, the Bucky you imagined he was before everything happened.


End file.
